September 6, 2013

I love this family so very much.   Hard to believe the kids are almost 2 years old.  What cuties! 

July 6, 2013 - 20 Months!

Prepare yourselves for picture overload this month.  Why?  Because there are simply too many cute pictures to choose from!  As these kids get older, their features are really developing, their expressions get even cuter,  and they're out and about doing all kinds of fun things with their daddies!  The pictures always put a smile on my face.  I hope they do for you as well.  Happy July!

Your Questions, Answered

I'm a lucky girl.  I get to speak with prospective surrogates every day.  I truly enjoy explaining the process to them, answering their questions and hopefully settling some of their concerns and fears.  There are a few questions that I'm asked on a very regular basis, and I figured if all of these prospective surrogates are asking the same questions, surely others are wondering the same thing, and so why not address those questions here?

Q:  Is it really hard to give up the babies?

A:  Simply put, NO.

I was surprised however, to realize how much I loved the babies so early on in the pregnancy.  It hardly seems possible, but I love them even more today - with all my heart.  Although I knew from the beginning that they were not my babies, I protected them, and would continue to protect them to this day as if they were my own. I believe the reason I fell so in love with them so quickly was because of the relationship I had formed with their Daddies.  I think most of us surrogates know deep down that we will be able to "give up" the babies, long before we ever decide to become a surrogate.  But there's always the unknown - what will it truly feel like to "give up" a baby or babies that I've carried for 9 months?  The truth?  For me, neither my mind, nor my body, nor my heart had any trouble giving birth to babies and watching as a family of 2 became a family of 4.  It was one of the most amazing moments of my life and the memories of that time are all positive.  It truly is not hard to give up the babies.

Q:  Do you keep in touch with the parents?

A:  Anyone who is a regular reader of this blog knows the answer to this one.  Absolutely, we still keep in touch!  I feel like the luckiest girl on the planet to have an ongoing relationship with George and Farid, and it's a pretty incredible feeling to know that I have been given the opportunity to watch the twins grow up via pictures and videos.  Although they are SO big now and it's hard for me to remember that they were ever tiny little babies, I feel extremely blessed to have been "present" as they've grown.

Q:  Would you do it again?
*This question has been asked by more than just prospective surrogates... MANY of you have also inquired about this very thing!  Drumroll....I'm finally answering your question.

A:  Yes, I'd love to have another journey.  I'd love to add to, or complete George and Farid's family if and when they choose to do so.

My life has changed so much in the last year.  I've started my career in this field and it keeps me very busy and incredibly satisfied.  I'm a busy single mom.  So much of a surrogacy journey for me was and is about the incredible relationship that is formed between 2 families.  Farid and George know me, and my family knows them.  We trust each other.  The relationship is already there and solid. To share another journey with them would be amazing in so many ways.

That being said, it's a pretty great feeling to also know that I am 100% okay if another journey does not occur.  I'm so happy with my life - with all that I have done and all that I am doing.

Surrogacy has drastically changed my life.  I experienced it first hand, and now I experience it on a daily basis through others. I'm extremely satisfied with it all.

So I'll say here what I say to many others.  If Farid and George decide that they would like to add to their family via surrogacy, I'd be honored to carry for them again.  If not, I will proudly retire this uterus.  3 healthy pregnancies, 4 healthy babies ~ She done good.

Who is a Surrogate? The Woman Behind the Baby Bump

Who is a Surrogate?  The Woman Behind the Baby Bump
by Kayla Mossien

She's strong.  She's courageous.  She's powerful.  She is a surrogate.

Incredible women are out there, willing to make miracles happen through gestational surrogacy.  They
come from all walks of life - the stay-at-home-mom raising toddlers, the executive who loves being pregnant, the fertile woman who simply feels compelled to help a couple in need.  Their motivations and personal interests all vary, but they share a common thread.  Surrogates are human beings who are willing and able to do something incredible for someone else.  We thought we'd take some time to educate you on - and clear up some common misconceptions about - what it takes for a woman to be a successful surrogate.

She ought to be...

click here to continue reading

2 years ago today...

...I lay nervously on an exam table hoping to become pregnant.  A few days later we learned that we were successful and our pregnancy journey began.  To celebrate our transfer-versary, I thought that today would be a good day to take a walk down memory lane.

THE JOURNEY

When Life Gives You Crazy, Change Your Perspective

I had a meltdown.
         Or maybe 2.

Fortunately there was only one witness to my weak moment.  Good ol' Mom. Thank you Mom for soaring with me when I'm on cloud nine and scraping my sorry butt off the ground when I'm not.

Things have been busy around here, and stressful.

So far this year, I have worked approximately 663 hours.  In 12 weeks.  You do the math.

Add in homework, Dr. and dentist appointments, dance class, school events, everyday chores and errands and - well - I was feeling a wee bit overwhelmed. I wanted and needed more time in the day.  I began feeling like there was never going to be enough time for everything I'd like to do.  For the last few weeks I've been feeling like there will never be time to read the book that sits on my nightstand begging me to read it.  The movies that I had hoped to see in the theater are nearing their release on DVD and yet I wonder if I'll have time to watch them even then.  Poor, poor Jeni...just too darn busy.

Then yesterday it hit me.  Yes, my life is busy.  And it's bound to stay that way for quite some time.  I have 2 very clear choices.  Focus on all that I haven't gotten to do, or focus on all that I HAVE gotten to do. Additionally, I tried adding some perspective to the things I have gotten to do.

For example:

Recently, I have been privileged enough to witness a pretty sweet game of Twister between my girls:

Several days later, I also witnessed one of the biggest fights they've ever had.

***Perspective - There are parents around the world who live DAILY with only the memory of their child - parents who would give absolutely ANYTHING to witness a game of Twister, or even the world's greatest argument.

http://www.orangetheoryfitness.com/

I've recently started working out.  Something that I have never liked to do.  Something I've never really done.  Well I'm doing it.  And I'm loving it.  And some days I'm so sore that I can barely walk.

***Perspective - As I'm HATING lifting those weights, and as I'm DREADING that treadmill, there are human beings who are missing an arm, a leg, or the general health needed to be able to do this kind of work out.

And each night as I head to bed, exhausted and sometimes stressed, I keep this in mind:  There are many, many people who want a job, don't have a job, and haven't had a job in some time.  People who have already lost, or fear the loss of their home, their car, their belongings.  As I crawl into my nice warm bed (with the heated mattress pad) and turn on the TV for a bit before falling asleep, how could I POSSIBLY feel sorry for myself and the crazy life that I am so blessed to live?

I choose to be grateful for the basics:

I am healthy.
I have food, a warm home and a reliable car.
My children are healthy, caring, smart, beautiful young ladies.
I am able to pay my bills and have money left over for indulgences.
I am loved.

I choose to focus on the things that ARE my life:

Those 663 hours have helped to make the dream of becoming a surrogate a reality for about 60 women so far this year.  Those 60 women will go on to help create 60 families.  That my friends, is 663 hours of my life well spent.

And let's keep it real.  That book WILL get read in time.  I WILL see those movies that I've wanted to see.  Not today, and maybe not even this week or month.  But I'm living for today.  And today, I sure do have a lot to be thankful for - most of all this crazy life of mine. 

Une mère-porteuse

A couple weeks ago, I was given the opportunity to speak with a French reporter about surrogacy.  Surrogacy is illegal in France and many people are not comfortable with the idea.  In fact, some people believe that a surrogate is selling not only herself, but also the baby or babies she carries. Often times a surrogate is seen as a prostitute of sorts.  My interview went quite well and although as is typical with these types of things in that 95% of what we discussed is not included in the article, I left the interview feeling good about the fact that not only are we raising awareness, we are being given the opportunity to open up discussions which is exactly what it will take in order to begin changing hearts and minds.

Should you care to read the article 'En Francais', feel free to click on the link below.  I've used good ol' Google translate to share with you the loosely translated English version.  Of course, when I visited the 20 minutes website, I also chose to Google translate all of the comments.  Phew! Good thing this chick's got thick skin.    

Jeni Denhof, une mère-porteuse américaine, a donné naissance à des jumeaux pour un couple homoparental. DR

Link to article in 20 Minutes  

COMPANY - If the practice is becoming more democratic, Equation legal, economic and emotional remains complex ...

From our correspondent in Los Angeles,

"The woman who took our son for nine months has changed our lives." When Jen about the birth of her son as "the greatest gift" is that pregnancy was biologically impossible after his battle against cancer. The couple has used the husband's sperm and an anonymous donor oocyte and the egg has been successfully implanted in the uterus of a surrogate mother.

Jen chose surrogacy (GPA, or "surrogacy" in English) because it "provides greater legal protection." Some states such as California and Illinois to give effect prenatal judgments that allow parents to be the only recorded on the birth certificate, says Rose Pondel, lawyer and founder of the firm Family Formation Law Center. Except, the surrogate mother never provides oocyte. She can not claim a right parental or change his mind at the last minute because the child is not genetically hers. The procedure can also be easier than adoption, especially for couples and singles homoparental. However, it is two times more expensive and time, from 60,000 to 90,000 euros on average.

Womb for rent

United States, the GPA is not only legal in a dozen states, it is usually compensated between 15,000 and 25,000 euros. However, Jeni Denhof, allowing a couple to become fathers to twins, she rejects the idea "let [her] uterus against a check." According to this 36 year old woman, "the main motivation, is to make a gift of life. "

Circle Surogacy agency, which operates from the 90s, rejects all potential surrogates who have financial problems. Medical questionnaires, psychological assessment, investigation of a social worker ... Nothing is left to chance. "Out of 750 candidates, we retain only every 12-15 months," says founder John Weltman.

Another non-negotiable criterion: an applicant must already be a mother. Both parties are often represented by two lawyers and a contract forty pages covers all angles: financial compensation, diet, travel outside the state and even abortion clauses (in case of problems or genetic supernumerary embryos, for example).

"Mom lends his belly"

"At first my husband was reluctant. He was afraid of the physiological and psychological, "says Jeni. She also had to explain the situation to her two daughters, aged 5 and 9 years in these simple words: "Mom lends her womb the baby to a couple who can not have. It is neither Dad nor Mom and he will not return with us to the hospital. "" My daughters have asked, but the children understand, "says she.

Even at a distance, most families are in contact with surrogacy. The separation is a difficult time. "We all cried. Of course we love this life growing inside her womb. But we love him like a nephew, "describes Jeni. "George and Farid regularly send us photos of the twins. They are part of the family. "

Behind the scenes

According to estimates, between 1400 and 4000 birth place by GPA each year in the United States. Business is booming and at least one third of couples are foreigners, including French.

According to counsel Ponde Rose, "a vast majority ends well." But some saw a nightmare. In 2009, the agency and its director Surro Genesis evaporate in nature with two million. Surrogate mothers lose their health insurance and drowning in hospital bills of tens of thousands of dollars while couples say goodbye to their dream of becoming parents.

In America, the GPA "is less regulated than the sale of used cars," denounces the President of Barnard College, Debora Spar, in the book The Baby Business. For reasons of economy, some parents sometimes decide not to use agency or lawyer. On the website Craigslist, there are regular announcements of individuals offering their services. "We approach the sale of children," accuses Spar.

In addition to the ethical, legal framework remains ambiguous in some states. In 2011, a New Jersey court granted a surrogate mother visitation rights. If science allows almost anyone to become parents, justice and society are still trying to adapt.

 Philippe Berry

Working From Home: The Good, The Bad and The Ugly

Many boast that the bedroom is "where all the magic happens."  Not in this house.
THIS is where families are created.  Each and every day.

I've shared with all of you what I do for Circle, and you may have already reached the conclusion that I work from home.  Indeed I do work at Casa de Denhof.  It's the swankiest office in town.  Working from home has it's perks, and it also has it's drawbacks.

THE GOOD

It's home.

Which means it's comfortable.  It's convenient.  Every day is casual Friday.  And these are the heels I wear to work each day.

You can't beat the commute, I can throw a load of laundry in on my lunch break, and it's nice that even when it looks like this outside:

I don't ever have to go out in it.  I turn on the fireplace, take a seat, and I work.  

The view from my "office".

THE BAD

It's home.

Which means I can't pop my head into the offices of my co-workers just to say "hey".  It means when the office is having a bonding moment, I'm not a part of it. It means no holiday parties, no shared lunches, no in-person socializing with the people I have become so close to.

It also means I never officially leave work.  Or at least it takes a conscious effort to quit for the day.  I have round-the-clock access to work and sometimes it is difficult for me to call it a day and decide I'll finish a task the next day.  If there's work to be done, it's hard for me to not take care of it immediately.

THE UGLY

It's home.

Which means when the alarm goes off at 6:00 and I have to be "at" work at 7:00, I can be lazy, lay around in bed until 6:45, hop in the shower, throw my hair up....and be "at" work on time.  Why is this ugly you ask?  Well, I don't want to injure any readers with an actual picture, so just imagine this:

with no make up, hair in a messy bun on top my head, sleepy eyes...

you get the picture.

And unfortunately, it's UGLY.  

Question #1 What Exactly Do You Do For Circle Surrogacy?

In order to best explain to you what my job entails, we are going to play a little game of make believe. So if you'll please join me in putting on your imagination hats.  Mine looks like this:


Got your hat on?  Good.

Now let's pretend you're a potential surrogate. You've thought about it, done some research, you've even Googled it. (Good choice.  Google rocks.)  Your search will hopefully lead you here: Surrogacy Guide: An Introduction To Surrogacy  Once you've downloaded the guide, you have my contact information and are encouraged to contact me with any questions you may have. You'll also receive an email from me thanking you for downloading the guide, and introducing myself.  If you've got questions, I'm your girl.  You and I communicate back and forth, sometimes for an afternoon, sometimes for months.  If I do my job well, you'll feel excited about taking the next step - applying.

This pre-application communication is something I very much enjoy.  However, it may surprise you to know that this role is just a very small part of my job.  Each and every application that is submitted to Circle Surrogacy is reviewed and processed by yours truly.  Some applications cannot be accepted due to the requirements and guidelines set in place by the agency and the IVF clinics with which we work.  One thing I am extremely proud of is the fact that we send a response to each and every application we receive.  You're not left wondering if we received your application, if you've been approved or not.  You'll receive an email from me either way.  And you'll hear from me in a timely fashion.  Almost always within 24 hours.  

Since we're imagining, and I call the shots in my imagination, your application has just been accepted!  Yay!  I'm so excited for you!  You will receive an email from me welcoming you to our program.  I will have attached all the paperwork we will need from you.  It's a lot of paperwork, and I completely understand that you may be feeling overwhelmed.  Don't worry.  I'm here to help you through all of it.  I will be available to answer all of your questions and help to ease any concerns you may have about the process.  TOGETHER, we'll get all of your paperwork and medical records collected so that we can submit your file to our IVF physicians and insurance company for approval.  I do not work alone. There are several awesome women I work with who do an amazing job making this process run quickly and smoothly.  Once you are approved by our physician and insurance company, you have officially "graduated" from pre-screening and you and I tearfully say our goodbyes.  Ok, so maybe you're not tearful, you're usually pretty darn excited. You are now on to screening with one of our amazing social workers.  Screening is the last step before....MATCHING with intended parents!  

So there you have it.  My job in a nutshell.  Now repeat the above scenario a few times.  Well, maybe more than a few times.  As we speak, I am at one of the aforementioned stages with 156 surrogates.  No, that was not a typo.  One hundred fifty six.  I work a lot.  Some people can't believe the number of hours I work in a week.  They can't understand why I would be ok working a 10 hour workday, only to work some more at night.  They think it's crazy that I usually work 7 days a week.  They have the most puzzled look on their faces as they ask me, "WHY?"

Why?  Well that's simple.  Because I love it.

www.circlesurrogacy.com

A Day In The Life

~How I Am Adjusting to Life as a Working Mom ~

I wake between 6:45 and 7:15 every day.  Most days, no alarm is necessary. The first order of business is to check my phone for any work that needs my immediate attention.  You see, although it's still early here in Denver, the work day has already begun and is in full swing in Boston.  Boston.  Where you will find most of my co-workers working in the office.  

I get myself ready for the day while responding to emails here and there, and making sure Skyler and Savannah are all set and ready for their school day. Once they are school bound, I plop down at my desk and I get busy.  For the next 6-7 hours you'll find me:

Answering phone calls

Screening applicants

Chatting with potential surrogates about the journey and how rewarding it is

Realizing I haven't blogged in nearly a week

Gathering medical records

Sending welcome emails

Contacting former carriers

Making welcome calls

Realizing I MUST make the time to blog...I have readers for goodness sake

Attending meetings via phone

Making to-do lists

Following up with Physicians and Hospitals regarding medical records

Sending and responding to emails 

Forwarding paperwork to the office

Realizing I only have 10 minutes until I need to pick up the girls from school and I still haven't composed a new blog post.

On the way to pick up the girls from school, I'm making a mental list of all the things I didn't get a chance to do during the day.

Pick up my happy girls from school who always greet me with a smile. Love.

We tackle homework and get snacks, water bottles and lunches ready for the next day.  We attend our after school activities like dance, drama and tutoring for the elementary school's homework club.  Once we're home for the evening, we have some dinner and I spend a little more time working on the things I didn't get done during the day.  We usually try to catch up on some of our TV shows together.  

Around 10 PM, the house is relatively quiet and at least one of the kids is in bed. Skyler's a night owl, just like her mama, so sometimes she keeps me company. Late night is a good time for me to finish up work for the day.  Usually by 1 AM, the eyelids are getting pretty droopy and sleep is beckoning.  As I lay down and attempt to relax my mind, the thoughts that are swirling around in my head are:

I love my job.

I love that I get to work in this field.

I love that I communicate with surrogates every day of the week.

I love that I'm busy.

I love that I'm successful.

I love being a working mom.

The Kids Are Alright

Almost every surrogate has one thing in common.  We have all had a child of our own before.  We have been pregnant with and delivered babies that we do get to bring home from the hospital.  Babies that we love, feed, clothe, bathe, cuddle and diaper; and before we know it, they’re not really babies anymore.  They’re children.  Children who at some point in their lives learn that their Mommy is going to be pregnant with a baby that won’t be coming home to live with them.  It begs the question - how do the children of surrogates cope with a surrogacy journey?  

READ MORE....

Read the blog post I wrote that describes the surrogacy experience 

of my own children, Skyler and Savannah.

One Thousand Words

Recently I was invited to write a guest blog post for Circle Surrogacy.  Guest blogging is an opportunity that I have been longing for.  One that excited and terrified me at the same time.  You see, I'm comfortable writing for all of you.  I feel like I know you...like you know me.  To put a piece of writing out there for a whole new group of potential readers is just a wee bit scary for me.  What exactly should I write about?  Should it be serious?  Funny?  Heart warming? How long should it be?  Instead of over-thinking it, I just started to write.  The final result was a journey - from transfer to delivery - in just under 1000 words. Our journey was worth far more than 1000 words, but this was an opportunity to provide a glimpse into the world I know and love.  The world of surrogacy.

I want the whole world to see what an amazing thing surrogacy is.  People need to know how many families are created each and every day thanks to surrogacy.  The more we share our amazing stories, the more we help to open the eyes of all of those people who either don't know about surrogacy, or have a negative view of it.  My hope, my dream, my goal is to shed some light on the beauty of surrogacy.  One person at a time.  One blog post at a time.

Chalk up one more fear conquered.  

Here it is folks.  My very first (hopefully of many) guest blog post.

The Journey of a Lifetime