Weekend with Becca

Last weekend, I was so lucky and happy to have my good friend and surro-sister Becca here in Denver for a weekend visit.  We had an absolutely amazing time together!  We managed to do a few things around Colorado while she was here, but more than anything else, we talked.  Non stop.  You can read all about it here:

Becca and Jeni's Weekend

Becca is an amazing woman.  She's smart and funny, she's an incredible mother and wife and I'm so glad to have met her and created a life-long friendship with her.

Becca is preparing for their transfer next month and has written about their journey from the very beginning.  If you've not yet read her blog, you should.

It's informative.  It's funny.  It's just awesome - go read it. 

Their Pea In My Pod

Amigos - Friends

Would you look at these 2?

So cute.  So playful.

I just love watching as they grow up.  

Your Questions, Answered

I'm a lucky girl.  I get to speak with prospective surrogates every day.  I truly enjoy explaining the process to them, answering their questions and hopefully settling some of their concerns and fears.  There are a few questions that I'm asked on a very regular basis, and I figured if all of these prospective surrogates are asking the same questions, surely others are wondering the same thing, and so why not address those questions here?

Q:  Is it really hard to give up the babies?

A:  Simply put, NO.

I was surprised however, to realize how much I loved the babies so early on in the pregnancy.  It hardly seems possible, but I love them even more today - with all my heart.  Although I knew from the beginning that they were not my babies, I protected them, and would continue to protect them to this day as if they were my own. I believe the reason I fell so in love with them so quickly was because of the relationship I had formed with their Daddies.  I think most of us surrogates know deep down that we will be able to "give up" the babies, long before we ever decide to become a surrogate.  But there's always the unknown - what will it truly feel like to "give up" a baby or babies that I've carried for 9 months?  The truth?  For me, neither my mind, nor my body, nor my heart had any trouble giving birth to babies and watching as a family of 2 became a family of 4.  It was one of the most amazing moments of my life and the memories of that time are all positive.  It truly is not hard to give up the babies.

Q:  Do you keep in touch with the parents?

A:  Anyone who is a regular reader of this blog knows the answer to this one.  Absolutely, we still keep in touch!  I feel like the luckiest girl on the planet to have an ongoing relationship with George and Farid, and it's a pretty incredible feeling to know that I have been given the opportunity to watch the twins grow up via pictures and videos.  Although they are SO big now and it's hard for me to remember that they were ever tiny little babies, I feel extremely blessed to have been "present" as they've grown.

Q:  Would you do it again?
*This question has been asked by more than just prospective surrogates... MANY of you have also inquired about this very thing!  Drumroll....I'm finally answering your question.

A:  Yes, I'd love to have another journey.  I'd love to add to, or complete George and Farid's family if and when they choose to do so.

My life has changed so much in the last year.  I've started my career in this field and it keeps me very busy and incredibly satisfied.  I'm a busy single mom.  So much of a surrogacy journey for me was and is about the incredible relationship that is formed between 2 families.  Farid and George know me, and my family knows them.  We trust each other.  The relationship is already there and solid. To share another journey with them would be amazing in so many ways.

That being said, it's a pretty great feeling to also know that I am 100% okay if another journey does not occur.  I'm so happy with my life - with all that I have done and all that I am doing.

Surrogacy has drastically changed my life.  I experienced it first hand, and now I experience it on a daily basis through others. I'm extremely satisfied with it all.

So I'll say here what I say to many others.  If Farid and George decide that they would like to add to their family via surrogacy, I'd be honored to carry for them again.  If not, I will proudly retire this uterus.  3 healthy pregnancies, 4 healthy babies ~ She done good.

June 6, 2013

19 months.  The time sure does fly.  

Happy 6th of the month!

Who is a Surrogate? The Woman Behind the Baby Bump

Who is a Surrogate?  The Woman Behind the Baby Bump
by Kayla Mossien

She's strong.  She's courageous.  She's powerful.  She is a surrogate.

Incredible women are out there, willing to make miracles happen through gestational surrogacy.  They
come from all walks of life - the stay-at-home-mom raising toddlers, the executive who loves being pregnant, the fertile woman who simply feels compelled to help a couple in need.  Their motivations and personal interests all vary, but they share a common thread.  Surrogates are human beings who are willing and able to do something incredible for someone else.  We thought we'd take some time to educate you on - and clear up some common misconceptions about - what it takes for a woman to be a successful surrogate.

She ought to be...

click here to continue reading

Another Typical Night at Home

Scene:

Almost-teenage daughter decides she'd like to record a YouTube tutorial about how to make designs with her Bucky Ball.

Almost-quiet younger daughter plays nicely in the background.

Super-awesome mom suggests that Skyler interact more with the camera by making eye contact with the viewers and perhaps even describing what she's doing as she makes the shape.

Super-awesome mom leaves the room and gets back to work.

A short time later....

That's how we roll around here.  Laughter and silliness are found in abundance at our house.  It's pretty darn awesome.  

May 6, 2013

OnE aNd A HaLf yEaRs oLd!

Be Alive

Call it an eye opener, an 'aha' moment, a revelation.  Whatever you want to call it, it's happened.  I'm so grateful to have had this realization relatively early on in what I hope will be this long life of mine.

Things that come naturally to me:

I'm a rule follower - big time.  You tell me it needs or is supposed to be done, and it is done.
I'm a people pleaser.  Which can sometimes create...
An overachiever.  Which can be a good thing because it makes me...
A hard worker.

Those who know me well also know that I have a difficult time doing anything "just so-so".  I generally commit everything I've got to anything I take on.

Good or bad, these characteristics are me - and I'm proud of me.  But I'm even more proud of me now that I've learned (and continue to learn) what I see as the deeper, more important goal for my life.

Every now and again (ok, maybe a little more often than that) the above characteristics were tempting me into missing moments.  Passing on something I'd love to do because I'd have too much work to do.  Avoiding an evening out so that I didn't stray from my health/fitness goals.  Missing moments.

Until the following became so very clear to me:

This life I've been given is a gift - a gift that has an unknown expiration date.  I'm pretty sure I've got a nice, long life to live and it's incredibly important to me that I have no regrets.  I'm quite certain that when my time is up, I will feel proud of how hard I've worked, how loyal I've been and that I've played by the rules.  I'm also quite certain that what will stand out the most are the moments.  Moments I refuse to miss.

There will always be work - that's a great thing because I love to work and I love what I'm doing.  I am so thrilled that my health and fitness has become a priority for me.  The time I have with family and friends mean more to me than anything else.  There IS space and time for all of it.

I will always be a rule follower.  A trustworthy, hard working people pleaser.  I will also live and experience life to the fullest.  If it makes me happy, I will do it.

I'm alive.  And I will never, EVER take that for granted.

April 6, 2013

I love to feature pictures of the babies and their daddies.  

This month I also wanted to share pictures of 

George and Farid the business team.  

The Dynamic Duo.  

Together they have created and continue to create greatness.  

Greatness that tastes like this:

www.bogotabistro.com

I'm so proud of who they are.  I'm very inspired by their success.  

And now that I've posted this picture, I'm also very hungry.  For empanadas.  Please.

Hoppy Easter

Commercials

Although I rarely watch them, I do love commercials.  It's fascinating to me to see the marketing strategies of various companies and organizations.  Usually, I'm just so anxious to see who was voted off the island, who used the fast pass and how America voted on American Idol, that I fast forward through the commercials, which is why I hadn't yet seen a super awesome commercial.

Family and friends began messaging, texting and emailing me about the latest Kindle commercial.  They said, they thought of me, figured I would be happy to see it and Skyler even said, "I just saw what is going to be your new favorite commercial."

I'm so proud.  Yes, I'm proud of Amazon, along with all of the other companies who promote equality.  I'm equally proud that when my family and friends see these companies promoting equality, they think of me.  What an awesome thing to be associated with.  Equality.  For All.  

The Week - Thankful for...

After posting this post, I decided I would make a point to document as often as possible all of the things I've GOTTEN to do.  All of the opportunities I've had and the things I'm so thankful for.  In short, focusing on the positive.

So here you have it.  This week:

1.  I learned that I am lucky enough to be welcoming a new nephew to this world sometime this summer.  I'm so in love with him already.

2.  I've slept really well.

3.  I heard birds chirping first thing in the morning.  Signs of SPRING!

4.  I was invited to be a travel companion/support person for a good friend's upcoming transfer.  *SuPeR eXcItEd!* Blog post to follow.

5.  I slipped on ice and fell flat on my arse in the Target parking lot. Once on the way into Target and once on the way out.  Awesome.  Thankful for the fact that I wasn't badly injured.  And also for the fact that I am able to laugh at myself (after dropping an F bomb or two.)

6.  Dyed/decorated 60 (yes, sixty) Easter eggs with my girls.

7.  Bought a new pair of running shoes that made ALL the difference in my workout.  So much of a difference that I managed a brief jog in my very next workout - only for one minute, and not at a very fast pace, but RUNNING!    Did you hear me?!?! Running!  Who woulda thunk I'd ever be able to say that?  Not me.

8.  Aaaannnndddd......drumroll please.....one of those movies I thought I'd never have time for? Watched it.  Les Mis - totally worth the wait.

Happy week everyone.  What are you grateful to have experienced this week?

2 years ago today...

...I lay nervously on an exam table hoping to become pregnant.  A few days later we learned that we were successful and our pregnancy journey began.  To celebrate our transfer-versary, I thought that today would be a good day to take a walk down memory lane.

THE JOURNEY

When Life Gives You Crazy, Change Your Perspective

I had a meltdown.
         Or maybe 2.

Fortunately there was only one witness to my weak moment.  Good ol' Mom. Thank you Mom for soaring with me when I'm on cloud nine and scraping my sorry butt off the ground when I'm not.

Things have been busy around here, and stressful.

So far this year, I have worked approximately 663 hours.  In 12 weeks.  You do the math.

Add in homework, Dr. and dentist appointments, dance class, school events, everyday chores and errands and - well - I was feeling a wee bit overwhelmed. I wanted and needed more time in the day.  I began feeling like there was never going to be enough time for everything I'd like to do.  For the last few weeks I've been feeling like there will never be time to read the book that sits on my nightstand begging me to read it.  The movies that I had hoped to see in the theater are nearing their release on DVD and yet I wonder if I'll have time to watch them even then.  Poor, poor Jeni...just too darn busy.

Then yesterday it hit me.  Yes, my life is busy.  And it's bound to stay that way for quite some time.  I have 2 very clear choices.  Focus on all that I haven't gotten to do, or focus on all that I HAVE gotten to do. Additionally, I tried adding some perspective to the things I have gotten to do.

For example:

Recently, I have been privileged enough to witness a pretty sweet game of Twister between my girls:

Several days later, I also witnessed one of the biggest fights they've ever had.

***Perspective - There are parents around the world who live DAILY with only the memory of their child - parents who would give absolutely ANYTHING to witness a game of Twister, or even the world's greatest argument.

http://www.orangetheoryfitness.com/

I've recently started working out.  Something that I have never liked to do.  Something I've never really done.  Well I'm doing it.  And I'm loving it.  And some days I'm so sore that I can barely walk.

***Perspective - As I'm HATING lifting those weights, and as I'm DREADING that treadmill, there are human beings who are missing an arm, a leg, or the general health needed to be able to do this kind of work out.

And each night as I head to bed, exhausted and sometimes stressed, I keep this in mind:  There are many, many people who want a job, don't have a job, and haven't had a job in some time.  People who have already lost, or fear the loss of their home, their car, their belongings.  As I crawl into my nice warm bed (with the heated mattress pad) and turn on the TV for a bit before falling asleep, how could I POSSIBLY feel sorry for myself and the crazy life that I am so blessed to live?

I choose to be grateful for the basics:

I am healthy.
I have food, a warm home and a reliable car.
My children are healthy, caring, smart, beautiful young ladies.
I am able to pay my bills and have money left over for indulgences.
I am loved.

I choose to focus on the things that ARE my life:

Those 663 hours have helped to make the dream of becoming a surrogate a reality for about 60 women so far this year.  Those 60 women will go on to help create 60 families.  That my friends, is 663 hours of my life well spent.

And let's keep it real.  That book WILL get read in time.  I WILL see those movies that I've wanted to see.  Not today, and maybe not even this week or month.  But I'm living for today.  And today, I sure do have a lot to be thankful for - most of all this crazy life of mine. 

Blarney McMuffin

Lovin' my Leprechaun name!

Blarney McMuffin

Share with me - What's your Leprechaun name?

P.S.  If you contact me today, I fully expect you to refer to me as Blarney...

or Ms. McMuffin.

You think I'm kidding.

Parenting WIN

And how about these awesome dads - just for good measure.

March 6, 2013

Talking With Others About Surrogacy

I receive many emails asking for help with talking to others about surrogacy. Women seeking advice on how to talk about surrogacy with family, friends and their community. I recently ran across a poll/advice post on Facebook regarding surrogates who choose to talk with others about their surrogacy journey and was saddened to see that many, MANY women choose not to share information about their surrogacy because of the fear that others will not understand or be supportive.  

There are misconceptions about what surrogacy is all about.  Society is often misinformed and even more often uninformed.  We, as a surrogacy community are a tight group.  We're extremely supportive of one another simply because we understand.  We get it.  It is a personal goal of mine to do my part to help others "get it." Won't you join me?

Some people are always up for an argument.  They have strong beliefs and would like nothing more than for you to feel badly about the fact that you don't share their beliefs.  Other people (usually close friends and family) are truly concerned for your physical or mental well being.  I have composed a list of tips - things that I've found helpful when speaking with others about becoming a surrogate or about surrogacy in general.  

Enter the conversation with strength and pride
It's difficult for others to find fault or want to argue with you if they can see how passionate you are about surrogacy.

Reassure them
Some people will likely be concerned for you, both physically and emotionally. This is understandable and acceptable.  Share with them that you've considered and researched both the physical and emotional pieces and that you are confident in your decision.  Provide them with plenty of information so that you can reassure them of your physical and emotional health.

Be open and knowledgeable
Not many people know about or understand how surrogacy really works.  Share with them EVERYTHING you know.  Show them what a beautiful thing surrogacy is. Address ALL of their questions and concerns calmly.  They will likely have a lot of pre-conceived notions and assumptions.  Let them know that you'll answer all of their questions - whenever they have them.  If you don't know the answers to their questions, tell them you'll find out.  You can refer them to places online where they can learn more about surrogacy.  Show them what surrogacy truly looks like.

Never become defensive or engage in an argument

This may be the most important piece of all.  If you stay calm, the other person is more likely to be willing to hear you speak.  That being said, it's ok for you to leave the discussion if the other person remains unsupportive.  If you leave with your grace and dignity intact, trust me when I say that you have made a HUGE statement to that person.  Most importantly, leave the conversation with the same confidence as when you entered it.  At the very least, you've educated, and education is half the battle.  

In order to have an impact on the current misconceptions, assumptions and lack of knowledge, we must be willing to talk about what it is we do.  Talking is a hugely important piece of society.  It's how we communicate and express ourselves, and talking plays a crucial role in educating others.  Don't believe me?  Just ask these two:

Une mère-porteuse

A couple weeks ago, I was given the opportunity to speak with a French reporter about surrogacy.  Surrogacy is illegal in France and many people are not comfortable with the idea.  In fact, some people believe that a surrogate is selling not only herself, but also the baby or babies she carries. Often times a surrogate is seen as a prostitute of sorts.  My interview went quite well and although as is typical with these types of things in that 95% of what we discussed is not included in the article, I left the interview feeling good about the fact that not only are we raising awareness, we are being given the opportunity to open up discussions which is exactly what it will take in order to begin changing hearts and minds.

Should you care to read the article 'En Francais', feel free to click on the link below.  I've used good ol' Google translate to share with you the loosely translated English version.  Of course, when I visited the 20 minutes website, I also chose to Google translate all of the comments.  Phew! Good thing this chick's got thick skin.    

Jeni Denhof, une mère-porteuse américaine, a donné naissance à des jumeaux pour un couple homoparental. DR

Link to article in 20 Minutes  

COMPANY - If the practice is becoming more democratic, Equation legal, economic and emotional remains complex ...

From our correspondent in Los Angeles,

"The woman who took our son for nine months has changed our lives." When Jen about the birth of her son as "the greatest gift" is that pregnancy was biologically impossible after his battle against cancer. The couple has used the husband's sperm and an anonymous donor oocyte and the egg has been successfully implanted in the uterus of a surrogate mother.

Jen chose surrogacy (GPA, or "surrogacy" in English) because it "provides greater legal protection." Some states such as California and Illinois to give effect prenatal judgments that allow parents to be the only recorded on the birth certificate, says Rose Pondel, lawyer and founder of the firm Family Formation Law Center. Except, the surrogate mother never provides oocyte. She can not claim a right parental or change his mind at the last minute because the child is not genetically hers. The procedure can also be easier than adoption, especially for couples and singles homoparental. However, it is two times more expensive and time, from 60,000 to 90,000 euros on average.

Womb for rent

United States, the GPA is not only legal in a dozen states, it is usually compensated between 15,000 and 25,000 euros. However, Jeni Denhof, allowing a couple to become fathers to twins, she rejects the idea "let [her] uterus against a check." According to this 36 year old woman, "the main motivation, is to make a gift of life. "

Circle Surogacy agency, which operates from the 90s, rejects all potential surrogates who have financial problems. Medical questionnaires, psychological assessment, investigation of a social worker ... Nothing is left to chance. "Out of 750 candidates, we retain only every 12-15 months," says founder John Weltman.

Another non-negotiable criterion: an applicant must already be a mother. Both parties are often represented by two lawyers and a contract forty pages covers all angles: financial compensation, diet, travel outside the state and even abortion clauses (in case of problems or genetic supernumerary embryos, for example).

"Mom lends his belly"

"At first my husband was reluctant. He was afraid of the physiological and psychological, "says Jeni. She also had to explain the situation to her two daughters, aged 5 and 9 years in these simple words: "Mom lends her womb the baby to a couple who can not have. It is neither Dad nor Mom and he will not return with us to the hospital. "" My daughters have asked, but the children understand, "says she.

Even at a distance, most families are in contact with surrogacy. The separation is a difficult time. "We all cried. Of course we love this life growing inside her womb. But we love him like a nephew, "describes Jeni. "George and Farid regularly send us photos of the twins. They are part of the family. "

Behind the scenes

According to estimates, between 1400 and 4000 birth place by GPA each year in the United States. Business is booming and at least one third of couples are foreigners, including French.

According to counsel Ponde Rose, "a vast majority ends well." But some saw a nightmare. In 2009, the agency and its director Surro Genesis evaporate in nature with two million. Surrogate mothers lose their health insurance and drowning in hospital bills of tens of thousands of dollars while couples say goodbye to their dream of becoming parents.

In America, the GPA "is less regulated than the sale of used cars," denounces the President of Barnard College, Debora Spar, in the book The Baby Business. For reasons of economy, some parents sometimes decide not to use agency or lawyer. On the website Craigslist, there are regular announcements of individuals offering their services. "We approach the sale of children," accuses Spar.

In addition to the ethical, legal framework remains ambiguous in some states. In 2011, a New Jersey court granted a surrogate mother visitation rights. If science allows almost anyone to become parents, justice and society are still trying to adapt.

 Philippe Berry

Love Is In The Air - Yes, You Read That Correctly

Upon learning of my divorce, I think it took people approximately...oh, 4.85 seconds before they began asking me about dating.  Dating?  Please people! Let's let the ink dry on the divorce paperwork before we begin using the D word.  

And then BAM.  Just like that.  It happened.

Shortly after I moved into my new place, I met someone.  Someone who was absolutely perfect for me in every way.

What better day than Valentine's Day to reveal to all of my blog readers my new love?

Ladies and Gentlemen, meet:

Me.

It's true.  I'm in love with me.  I'm kind, caring, and I rarely piss myself off.  I always clean up after myself, I occasionally bring myself flowers.  After a stressful day at work, I'm so thoughtful that I've been known to pour myself a drink, and INSIST that I kick my feet up and watch a chick flick.  I've never hogged the covers and "we" always seem to agree on what to watch on TV.

It's such a rewarding relationship.  One that I could NOT be any happier to be in.  For me, for now - I'm good. 

On this day of love, I hope you're sharing it with the person who completes you.  Even if the person who completes you, is YOU! Happy Valentine's Day, friends.