Milena and Gustavo

Celebrating 2 weeks of life! George and Farid sure make some cute babies!

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A Little Retail Therapy

Allow me to start by saying that I received and appreciate all of your comments, texts, emails and Facebook posts expressing your love, concern and support after my post last night.  I cannot begin to tell you how much I appreciate all of you and the fact that I have so many people there for me, who understand.

I've never been good at goodbyes.  And last night's goodbye was especially hard for me.  I think it is important for me to acknowledge the feelings that I am having, process them, and also manage to keep those emotions in check.  I give myself permission to FEEL! At the same time, there is a balance somewhere in there that I strive to find so that I don't allow all of that emotion to become an unhealthy feeling of sadness. 

So, I asked myself..."What could I do today to help keep me in a healthy place?"  The Answer?

Retail Therapy!

Today was a day to pamper and spoil...myself!

Got my nails done (Thank you, Jan), had a nice lunch with Jill, bought some new perfume, had a wonderful, long phone chat with my mom ....not a bad day!

I had a few tears here and there but overall, the day was a success and a nice "transition" day.

On the agenda for tomorrow?

Me thinks I'd like a new pair of jeans, and maybe a couple new tops as well!  Dinner and a movie with great friends tomorrow night is bound to be loads of fun!

And before I know it, the memories of how "sad" it was to say goodbye, will be replaced with all of the happy memories I have of our journey and the new memories that are being created as our journey continues to unfold!

Thursday, November 17, 2011

This post will be short, as I can't really see the keys to my laptop through all of these tears that just won't stop....

Tonight, half of my family is on a plane, headed back to NYC.  They've taken half of my heart with them.  It hurts.  So, so much.

I am so happy for them to be going home where they truly belong.  This is what it's all about.  This is the goal we all had.  This is part of the process.  We knew this day would come.  And yet, it doesn't make it any easier.

Tomorrow is a new day.  I will wake up and do my very best to remember what life is like without being able to hold those precious babies every day.  Without spending time with two amazing men who are such a huge part of my life now. 

But tonight...I will cry. Tears of sadness. Tears of joy.

Let the next segment of this journey commence!

Happy 1 Week Birthday!

Gustavo and Milena

1 Week Old

I Have The Answer To The Question Everyone's Asking...

The Question of the Week seems to be:

HOW'S EVERYONE DOING?

Well....lemme tell ya!

I'm concerned.  George and Farid SHOULD be FAR more stressed, overwhelmed and clueless, if you ask me.  LOL!

These guys are absolute naturals!  I am amazed when I watch them. Gustavo and Milena are only 5 days old and yet George and Farid have learned to identify cries, they diaper like nobody's business, and feeding and burping is no problemo for them!  Milena and Gustavo are already on a 4 hour schedule....the SAME 4 hour schedule!  They really are making it look very easy!  I'm sure they are tired, but they are doing such a fantastic job!  The babies are SO happy!  I am very proud of all 4 of them!

How about moi?

I am also doing very well!  I have VERY little leftover pain and soreness!  I feel extremely stable emotionally!  I'm thrilled!  I will admit...I was prepared for things to be a little rough...both physically AND emotionally.  What a nice surprise this has been!

It's been awesome to be able to spend time with the guys and the babies while they are still here in Colorado.  I will definitely be sad when they leave, but at the same time, I am really excited for them to be back in Brooklyn, where I know so many of you are patiently waiting.  Prepare yourselves for their return...these babies are ABSOLUTELY ADORABLE!! 

The love and support that we have received has been amazing...and has made this journey so special for all of us!  I thank you for that!  On that note, let me leave you with what I know you really want...pictures.





Milena                            Gustavo



Gustavo

Milena

Gustavo. 2 days old.





The Journey...

I hope you enjoy this video of our journey in a nutshell. The lyrics to the song are very meaningful for me and the pictures even more so.

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Welcome To The World!

Let's start from the beginning, shall we?

Approximately 1 hour after posting on the blog that "these turkeys are done",  I went to the bathroom only to discover that it seemed my water had broken.  I guess these kiddos didn't like being called turkeys!  :)

I called the Dr. who told me to go to the hospital to confirm that indeed, my water had broken. 

I called George and Farid, who I have to say, were far more calm, cool, and collected than I was at that point. 

I called Jill, who was celebrating her birthday with friends downtown and God bless her, she hopped in the car and came to pick me up and take me to the hospital.

Don't hate the socks, man!  My feet were cold!  :)

We arrived at the hospital at about midnight.  They quickly confirmed that the water had broken.  Good news is, I wasn't in active labor.  The body was being nice and lazy which I am OH so thankful for, as it bought us lots of time.  Our Dr. and the hospital staff were all wonderful about taking care of me and were also aware of our unique situation and allowed us to just hang loose until Farid and George arrived and then we could really induce labor.  Much of the waiting time was spent monitoring the babies heart rates which proved to be quite difficult as they were both still moving around an awful lot and so their heart rates would frequently fall off the monitor and the nurses would have to re-locate them.

 Just after 1:00 PM, the guys arrived here in Denver, and we got the show on the road!  Pitocin was started and we began having regular contractions shortly thereafter!

The contractions started out quite bearable, and spaced apart.........and then that changed. Oh, boy....did that change.  :)  Jill was an amazing coach...her sense of calm, her ongoing encouragement, was extremely helpful.  The guys continued to remain cool as cucumbers throughout the entire laboring process.  In between contractions, I felt fab-u-lous, so we used that time to laugh, joke, and we MAY have all been spotted working on our computers!  :)

Contraction. Eyes closed, slow, deep yoga breathing.

In between contractions.

Let me backtrack just a bit.  At my last prenatal appointment, the Dr. had given me lots of information about what I could expect on delivery day.  A few things that I learned? That they encouraged me to have an epidural.  That we would be delivering in the OR.  That there would be many, many people in the OR helping out with delivery.

• Epidural.  With twin vaginal deliveries, there is always some added risk.  Particularly since Baby B (Gustavo) was breech.  They said that although the decision was entirely mine, they felt more comfortable having an epidural already in place before delivery. They explained to me that once Baby A (Milena) was born, they would try to manually turn Gustavo around from the outside.  Apparently this is not a very comfortable process.  Also, should there be a problem being able to deliver the second baby vaginally, an emergency c-section becomes necessary.  At that point, there isn't time to put an epidural in place so I would have to be immediately put to sleep for the rest of the delivery.  I REALLY DID NOT WANT THAT!
• Delivering in the OR.  Because of the potential complications stated above, they told me that we would be delivering in the OR. I was a little bummed to learn that since an OR seems like such a small, cold, stark environment to deliver in.  But hey, not my choice, right?
• Lots of people in the OR.  Yeah...this is a fact.  Soooo....you've got yourself 2 doctors and 2 nurses for me.  2 nurses for the babies, an ultrasound tech, an anesthesiologist, and several assistants.  Now let's add me, Jill, George and Farid.  That's a full house!

On that note, back to laboring...

I was scared to get my epidural.  I don't know why, but I was.  I also knew that if and when the contractions became too painful, that fear would no longer be there.  When the contractions became intense, the nurse asked if I was ready, and at that point, I told her no.  The fear was still greater than the pain.  Then the contractions became even more intense and much closer together.  It became more and more difficult to maintain my calm, deep breathing, and I had less and less time to "recover" between contractions.  The nurse had a heart to heart with me.  She let me know that she thought now was a good time to get the epidural in place.  She felt that things would be moving at a rapid pace from here on.  I asked to be checked.  I was only 4 cm. dilated.

I caved.

And boy am I glad I did.  She ended up being exactly right.  Things moved rapidly.  The anesthesiologist came in and placed the epidural.  Once in place, they checked me again.  I was 6 cm. dilated.  They predicted we would be ready to deliver in an hour.  They were wrong.  Half an hour later, I was checked again and I was complete. 10 cm. dilated.  It was game time.

Things began to move quickly.  The Doctors and nurses began preparing me.  Jill and the guys were brought in scrubs.  They all looked SO cute!

Once we were all set in the OR, it was "pushin' time".  Now let me just say this about that.  I am a pusher.  A pretty kick ass pusher.  I have never really had to push more than once.  So these twins...which were bound to be much smaller than my own children should be no problem, right? I could give it a good grunt and out they'd fly, right?  Wrong.

I pushed.  Hard.  Like Julia Roberts vein bursting out of the forehead hard. And still it took 4 pushes to get tiny little Milena out.  And what an amazing moment that was!  I remember saying "Oh my gosh!  She's SO cute!"  And she was.  Her Daddies thought so too.

Milena.  4 pounds and 10 ounces of pure sweetness.

Born November 6th at 7: 02 PM

Once Milena was out, Gustavo took that as his cue to get his butt in order.  Or should I say, his HEAD in order.  The Doctors were thrilled that Gustavo was turning his head right around, just as they hoped he would do.  They gently held him in place, head down, from the outside, while his sac moved down closer to the birth canal.  I pushed through several contractions to get that sac to come further down.  Finally, his bag of water burst and he was ready to make his entrance.  Again, cue the Julia Roberts vein in forehead.  

I hope that this photo isn't too graphic.  It really was such a beautiful moment.
George holding his daughter, watching his son being born while Farid supports me
and the Doctors work their magic. 
And let's not forget Jill who took AMAZING photos and video of the whole thing.

Gustavo.  5 pounds, 4 ounces.  Absolutely precious and such a content baby!

Born November 6th at 7:36 PM.

Gustavo and Milena meet for the first time, outside the womb.

What an amazing day! What a beautiful moment!  What an incredible journey!

Cheers to healthy babies, happy Daddies,

and a surrogate who feels an overwhelming sense of Joy, Pride and Love. 

Yep. That just about sums it up perfectly.





A FAMILY AT LAST!



November 6th Was A Great Day

I can't wait to share the story with you,

 but for now I'll just say that everything was great and we have

2 beautiful babies and 2 very happy daddies!! 

We're In Labor!

Gotta keep this short as I'm writing in between contractions.

Water broke last night at around 10:30. 

No real labor started so we just hung out until the guys arrived from NY at 1:00 this afternoon.

Now the Pitocin has been at work for 3.5 hours and may I just say...

THIS REALLY HURTS!  :)

Stay tuned!  We'll try to keep you posted!

Ding! These Turkeys Are Done! :)

Can you see it?

Take a CLOSER LOOK!

My belly button popped!!!  Yay!  I've longed for this event!  :) 

 In truth though...the inside of my belly button is not attractive. 

Clean....but not attractive.  :)

So does this mean that Gustavo and Milena are fully cooked?  Who knows.  But I DO know this.

George and Farid will be here ON TUESDAY!

TUESDAY!!!

OMG, Right?!?!?!

It's Game Time, Baby!



A Letter From The Management

Dear Milena and Gustavo,

We hope that you are continuing to enjoy your stay at the JENI HOTEL (5 Star).  Although your stay here is nearing it's end, we regret to inform you that you are still not permitted to leave the facility.  May we remind you of all the amenities we have to offer here at the JENI:

• Not so All-You-Can-Eat Buffet
• Plush mattresses with Premium Bedding and a nightly mint left on your pillow (Shhh...don't tell your Daddies)
• Swimming Pool which we recognize is more the size of a hot tub these days.
• Full Gym complete with 2 lungs perfect for kickboxing and a bladder that doubles as a punching bag.

Ok...so maybe the JENI isn't seeming so "5 star" to you anymore, but you only have a very short time before we will unlock the front doors, and send you out into the real world.  At that time, you'll have two of the finest Tour Guides available who are very ready and anxious to meet your every need.

Until then...be well, sweet babies.

XO

35 Weeks!

Oh my goodness!  Does anyone else think it's crazy to think that these babies will be here in LESS THAN 21 days?!

Remember that the Dr. told us that 35 weeks was our green light, meaning that at this point, if we go into labor, they will not attempt to stop or delay labor...babies should be ready to go!  Am I ready?  Well... my body is showing more and more signs that it's ready.  I am in a good place both physically and mentally, so I guess the answer would have to be Yes...I am ready!  That being said, George and Farid are obviously not here yet, so there will be NO laboring.  Not yet.  Soon...but not yet!  :)

At our appointment yesterday, the babies looked great!  Milena, who is Baby A and will be born first had a heart rate of 158 and is weighing in at 5 lbs. 7 oz.!  Her brother, Gustavo, had a heart rate of 148 and is weighing in at 5 lbs. 10 oz.!  Although Gustavo still has loads of amniotic fluid (enough for him to have turned back around to a breech position), Milena is running a little on the low side. So they've requested that I have a fluid check at next week's appointment to make sure her fluid levels aren't dropping too low.  I'm 1.5 cm. dilated and have basically put myself into "it's time to chill" mode until the guys get here.  The countdown is definitely on at this point.  :)

For all of my fashion savvy readers (ahem...yes Kevin, that means you),
I am aware that this shirt is too small.  But honestly, I grow tired of the 3 shirts that still fit
 and well, let's face it, even they look pretty stretched to the limit! :)

35 Weeks

November 1, 2011

Today is Tuesday.

Tuesday, NOVEMBER 1st.

NOVEMBER!

Gustavo and Milena will be welcomed into this amazing world this month! 

Wow!

Ladies and Gentlemen: Welcome to our baby shower. 

Behold the Belly!

Live from Colorado! 

George and I introduce Jeni and our little babies to the friends and family in attendance at

our baby shower October, 23, 2011 in New York City via Skype. 

Baby Shower Celebration: October 23, 2011

It's been a week since we had what we call  our "baby shower/celebration." It wasn't meant so much to be a baby shower and  we had no interest in it being a traditional baby shower being that there's nothing traditional about the creation of our family. We wanted it to be a celebration of people who love each other, celebrate life and family. 

What a celebration it turned out to be. We hired caricaturists, a roving fortune teller, a balloon sculpture artist and we hired a photographer who set up a photo booth for people to have their pictures taken with life-sized cardboard cut-outs of Jeni, George and myself. It proved to be a LOT of fun. Being that we own a restaurant, of course we catered the event with amazing food in addition to having an open bar at a fun bar/music venue we rented out in Brooklyn, New York to host the event. The high light of the celebration was our speech which culminated with us presenting Jeni whom the majority of people in attendance (all 162) had only heard of but had never met or even seen in pictures. We skyped in Jeni and had her show us 'the belly' for all to see. Her appearance made the entire event and our journey much more real for everyone. The family we are creating and the babies that are on the way were now that much more real.

What we threw was an event because that's exactly what this is for us: a huge event which we are completely overjoyed, elated and thrilled about. What else can I say. The outpouring of love (and gifts) was overwhelming. People left the party having had a fantastic time, telling me that they became that they became very emotional witnessing us speaking about this new phase in our lives, having introduced Jeni to them via the big screen and confirming what we already know: Jeni is amazing.

34 Weeks!

10 Pounds and 40 Inches!

Yep, Folks!  That's about how much baby we've got in there!

These amazing kiddos weigh about 5 pounds each, and each are about 20 inches long! Fat layers, which will help regulate their body temperature after birth are filling the babies out, making them rounder.  Their skin is smoother than ever.  The central nervous system and lungs are continuing to mature.  The pupils can dilate and detect light. The babies are now fully developed and their bodies are correctly proportioned.  Such great news, all around!

Let's hear it for 34 Weeks!  I see that you were all smart and we did not have a single vote that the babies would arrive in the 34th week, so I won't expect any excitement this week! 

LESS THAN 4 WEEKS!

DID YOU HEAR THAT?!

THAT'S LESS THAN 28 DAYS!

Happy Wednesday!

Boy, do I have a surprise for you, today!

It's been quite a while since you've gotten to see pictures of the babies!  This is mostly due to the fact that Milena is sitting so low, it's very difficult to get a good picture of her face!  But today was our lucky day!  We managed to snap a quick picture of her before she decided to put her hands up in front of her face!  Have a looksie!

Awwww....Sweet, sweet Milena!

Gustavo, you're always so good about having your picture taken! 
We can't wait to meet you in a few weeks!

Feelings and Emotions

A surrogacy journey comes chock-full of feelings and emotions.  And for me, they are constantly evolving.   Allow me to share with you where I am at right now:

I feel:

Excitement - I can't even begin to express to you how excited I feel about this time.  I am VERY much looking forward to labor (I know...weird), and delivery, an absolutely incredible, life changing moment for George and Farid that I feel so honored to be a part of.

Fear - Let me clarify before I begin to discuss my fears.  Talk to me during the hours of 9 AM and 9 PM, and I would tell you I have NO fears.  But I am a night worrier.  It's always at night that the fears start to creep up on me.  My fears are mostly of the unknown.  Some of the question marks are things like this:

• How will it feel to suddenly not be pregnant? Will I feel relief, or will it feel strange?
• What will the transition be like from "Jeni the surrogate, caring for babies" to "Just Jeni"?
• How difficult is it going to be to say goodbye, temporarily, to George and Farid and the babies?

Pride - I did it!!  I feel a great sense of pride at being able to give this gift to Farid and George and that is a feeling I will carry with me for the rest of my life.

Anticipation - When will the guys arrive? When will we go into labor? What will our labor be like?

Wonder - I can't believe we finally get to meet these babies...VERY soon!  We will KNOW what they look like!  We will begin to get a feel for their personalities! We will begin to develop a real relationship with these little ones!   

Anxiety - As we get closer and closer to our due date, I become more and more anxious about Farid and George being here in time for delivery. This journey has gone so perfectly, I really want it to end perfectly with them here to experience the birth of their children! 

Joy - When I think about George and Farid finally having Gustavo and Milena in their arms, I can't keep myself from smiling.  More than smiling.  It is an overwhelming feeling of joy.  Like Christmas morning as a kid times a million.

Love - The love that I feel for this new family, George, Farid, Milena and Gustavo, is something that I wasn't really expecting.  I never expected the feelings to run nearly as deep as they do.  My belly may only have room for 2, but my heart has grown by 4.

~  ~  ~  ~  ~

I choose to focus on the excitement, pride, wonder, joy and love...and not let the fear, anticipation and anxiety get the best of me.  I look forward to what the near future holds for us knowing that it will all unfold perfectly.  I look forward to the relationship that I will develop with Gustavo and Milena...a relationship that will no doubt be stronger once they are outside the womb. I look forward to continuing to build on the already amazing relationship that I have with George and Farid. 

I am exactly where I need to be in my journey, right now. 

...And I look forward to seeing where my journey leads me in the future.  It's bound to be incredible, wherever it goes.

33 Weeks!

Gustavo and Milena will be here in LESS THAN 5 weeks!  We are in the home stretch!  These babies are definitely preparing for birth! 

• They each weigh about 4.4 pounds and are about 19.4 inches long! 
• They are rapidly losing the wrinkled look as they continue to add more fat. 
• The skeleton is hardening. 
• They are doing lots of sleeping and because it's possible to see breathing even when they are asleep, we know that the respiratory center in the brain has developed. 
• They can now perspire, something that premature babies cannot do, and the capability to regulate body temperature is maturing.
• The muscles have developed. 
• Languno hair is starting to fall off.

It is SO exciting to think that these babies are preparing for life outside the womb!  It's also hard to believe that I will only be pregnant for a few more weeks!  I have all kinds of feelings and emotions going on, but that will have to wait for another post...

In the meantime, here's a picture of the good 'ol belly!

33 Weeks

I'm fully planning on a boring 33rd week. 

If you're looking for excitement, please find it in your own life!  :)