When Life Gives You Crazy, Change Your Perspective

I had a meltdown.
         Or maybe 2.

Fortunately there was only one witness to my weak moment.  Good ol' Mom. Thank you Mom for soaring with me when I'm on cloud nine and scraping my sorry butt off the ground when I'm not.

Things have been busy around here, and stressful.

So far this year, I have worked approximately 663 hours.  In 12 weeks.  You do the math.

Add in homework, Dr. and dentist appointments, dance class, school events, everyday chores and errands and - well - I was feeling a wee bit overwhelmed. I wanted and needed more time in the day.  I began feeling like there was never going to be enough time for everything I'd like to do.  For the last few weeks I've been feeling like there will never be time to read the book that sits on my nightstand begging me to read it.  The movies that I had hoped to see in the theater are nearing their release on DVD and yet I wonder if I'll have time to watch them even then.  Poor, poor Jeni...just too darn busy.

Then yesterday it hit me.  Yes, my life is busy.  And it's bound to stay that way for quite some time.  I have 2 very clear choices.  Focus on all that I haven't gotten to do, or focus on all that I HAVE gotten to do. Additionally, I tried adding some perspective to the things I have gotten to do.

For example:

Recently, I have been privileged enough to witness a pretty sweet game of Twister between my girls:

Several days later, I also witnessed one of the biggest fights they've ever had.

***Perspective - There are parents around the world who live DAILY with only the memory of their child - parents who would give absolutely ANYTHING to witness a game of Twister, or even the world's greatest argument.

http://www.orangetheoryfitness.com/

I've recently started working out.  Something that I have never liked to do.  Something I've never really done.  Well I'm doing it.  And I'm loving it.  And some days I'm so sore that I can barely walk.

***Perspective - As I'm HATING lifting those weights, and as I'm DREADING that treadmill, there are human beings who are missing an arm, a leg, or the general health needed to be able to do this kind of work out.

And each night as I head to bed, exhausted and sometimes stressed, I keep this in mind:  There are many, many people who want a job, don't have a job, and haven't had a job in some time.  People who have already lost, or fear the loss of their home, their car, their belongings.  As I crawl into my nice warm bed (with the heated mattress pad) and turn on the TV for a bit before falling asleep, how could I POSSIBLY feel sorry for myself and the crazy life that I am so blessed to live?

I choose to be grateful for the basics:

I am healthy.
I have food, a warm home and a reliable car.
My children are healthy, caring, smart, beautiful young ladies.
I am able to pay my bills and have money left over for indulgences.
I am loved.

I choose to focus on the things that ARE my life:

Those 663 hours have helped to make the dream of becoming a surrogate a reality for about 60 women so far this year.  Those 60 women will go on to help create 60 families.  That my friends, is 663 hours of my life well spent.

And let's keep it real.  That book WILL get read in time.  I WILL see those movies that I've wanted to see.  Not today, and maybe not even this week or month.  But I'm living for today.  And today, I sure do have a lot to be thankful for - most of all this crazy life of mine. 

Working From Home: The Good, The Bad and The Ugly

Many boast that the bedroom is "where all the magic happens."  Not in this house.
THIS is where families are created.  Each and every day.

I've shared with all of you what I do for Circle, and you may have already reached the conclusion that I work from home.  Indeed I do work at Casa de Denhof.  It's the swankiest office in town.  Working from home has it's perks, and it also has it's drawbacks.

THE GOOD

It's home.

Which means it's comfortable.  It's convenient.  Every day is casual Friday.  And these are the heels I wear to work each day.

You can't beat the commute, I can throw a load of laundry in on my lunch break, and it's nice that even when it looks like this outside:

I don't ever have to go out in it.  I turn on the fireplace, take a seat, and I work.  

The view from my "office".

THE BAD

It's home.

Which means I can't pop my head into the offices of my co-workers just to say "hey".  It means when the office is having a bonding moment, I'm not a part of it. It means no holiday parties, no shared lunches, no in-person socializing with the people I have become so close to.

It also means I never officially leave work.  Or at least it takes a conscious effort to quit for the day.  I have round-the-clock access to work and sometimes it is difficult for me to call it a day and decide I'll finish a task the next day.  If there's work to be done, it's hard for me to not take care of it immediately.

THE UGLY

It's home.

Which means when the alarm goes off at 6:00 and I have to be "at" work at 7:00, I can be lazy, lay around in bed until 6:45, hop in the shower, throw my hair up....and be "at" work on time.  Why is this ugly you ask?  Well, I don't want to injure any readers with an actual picture, so just imagine this:

with no make up, hair in a messy bun on top my head, sleepy eyes...

you get the picture.

And unfortunately, it's UGLY.  

A Day In The Life

~How I Am Adjusting to Life as a Working Mom ~

I wake between 6:45 and 7:15 every day.  Most days, no alarm is necessary. The first order of business is to check my phone for any work that needs my immediate attention.  You see, although it's still early here in Denver, the work day has already begun and is in full swing in Boston.  Boston.  Where you will find most of my co-workers working in the office.  

I get myself ready for the day while responding to emails here and there, and making sure Skyler and Savannah are all set and ready for their school day. Once they are school bound, I plop down at my desk and I get busy.  For the next 6-7 hours you'll find me:

Answering phone calls

Screening applicants

Chatting with potential surrogates about the journey and how rewarding it is

Realizing I haven't blogged in nearly a week

Gathering medical records

Sending welcome emails

Contacting former carriers

Making welcome calls

Realizing I MUST make the time to blog...I have readers for goodness sake

Attending meetings via phone

Making to-do lists

Following up with Physicians and Hospitals regarding medical records

Sending and responding to emails 

Forwarding paperwork to the office

Realizing I only have 10 minutes until I need to pick up the girls from school and I still haven't composed a new blog post.

On the way to pick up the girls from school, I'm making a mental list of all the things I didn't get a chance to do during the day.

Pick up my happy girls from school who always greet me with a smile. Love.

We tackle homework and get snacks, water bottles and lunches ready for the next day.  We attend our after school activities like dance, drama and tutoring for the elementary school's homework club.  Once we're home for the evening, we have some dinner and I spend a little more time working on the things I didn't get done during the day.  We usually try to catch up on some of our TV shows together.  

Around 10 PM, the house is relatively quiet and at least one of the kids is in bed. Skyler's a night owl, just like her mama, so sometimes she keeps me company. Late night is a good time for me to finish up work for the day.  Usually by 1 AM, the eyelids are getting pretty droopy and sleep is beckoning.  As I lay down and attempt to relax my mind, the thoughts that are swirling around in my head are:

I love my job.

I love that I get to work in this field.

I love that I communicate with surrogates every day of the week.

I love that I'm busy.

I love that I'm successful.

I love being a working mom.

HATS

MOTHER

SURROGATE LIAISON

ACCOUNTANT

ADVOCATE

WIFE

CAKE DECORATOR

HOUSEKEEPER

BLOGGER

These are only a few of the hats I am wearing these days.  

It's been busy.  

It's been an adjustment.

You see, I have spent the better part of my adult life wearing A hat...maybe 2 hats at a time.  Life has now offered me many, many hats to wear.  Each hat has it's own features.  I look better in some of the hats than the others.  Some hats are more comfortable than others. Some days I wish I could get rid of a hat, even if just for a short period of time.  

I'm learning how to manage my hat arsenal.  It's definitely a process and I am doing my best to embrace the process.  Right now, I attempt to practice wearing one hat at a time.  This is easier said than done for me, the ULTIMATE multi-tasker.  I remind myself approximately 4,761,980 times a day to:

BE IN THE MOMENT.

Choose a hat.  

Wear it well!  

And when it's time to change hats, be ok with the change.  

Put on the next hat...and wear that hat well!  

Ideally, at the end of each day, I've worn many a hat 

and rocked each and every one.  

This is my wish.  

My goal.

Most importantly, I consider myself extremely fortunate to have 

such a plethora of head accessories available to me. 

Because....well....this chick LOVES to accessorize.

The F Word

If there is one thing I have learned as a blogger, it is this....

Give your post a naughty title and your readers will click on it.  Immediately.

Well, my naughty little readers, and for the record I love that you're all a little naughty, the F word I am speaking of is fulfillment.  And for my EXTRA naughty readers, I'm not speaking of that kind of fulfillment.  If you're grinning right now, you're naughty.  Yep.  Caught ya!  

Over the last year and a half, I have fallen in love.  With surrogacy.  If you're taken aback by this news, perhaps you should take a moment (or many moments) and read through the progression of this surrogacy journey I have been on.  Once Milena and Gustavo were born, the hardest part for me (other than saying "the g word" to Farid, George and the babies), was recapturing that feeling of fulfillment.  Our pregnancy gave me focus, it kept me challenged, and busy.  When it was over, I was left feeling a little unfulfilled.  Here I had found something I felt so passionately about, something that gave me such a wonderful feeling of fulfillment and suddenly it felt...well....gone.

Here is what I wrote back in December of 2011, regarding how I was feeling about surrogacy at the time.

I am passionate about surrogacy.  It is one of the only things in my life that I have ever been passionate about.  Surrogacy is, for sure, the only thing I have ever felt this passionately about.  I am extremely proud! Although my body will not allow me to always be a carrier, I do believe I will always be active in the surrogacy world.  I do not yet know specifics on how, where, or to what capacity that might be...all that I do know is that I want to be a part of it.  I will always be a part of it.

Has my passion faded since then?  No.  Conversely, it has only continued to grow stronger as the days and weeks pass.  I've been extremely fortunate to be able to play a role in the journeys of other surrogates and intended parents. It's the best feeling in the world to lay my head on my pillow each night, feeling like I made a difference, feeling like I accomplished something important.  And surrogacy...well, it's pretty darn important if you ask me! 

So it is with great pride that I share with all of you, that I have recently been given the opportunity to be a part of the surrogacy community on a professional level. This is an opportunity that the businesswoman in me has been longing for. Surrogate Outreach, Support and Marketing is something that gives me focus, provides me with a challenge and will definitely keep me busy.  To know that each day, I am able to have contact with people whose lives are being transformed by surrogacy, makes me feel like the luckiest girl on the planet.  

And that, my friends, is what you call fulfillment. 

It's What I Do

Your Calling

Every once in a while, I find that there is a word or phrase that I don't care for and it is at that moment that I decide to remove this word or phrase from my vocabulary.

Recently, there is a phrase that I have heard on several occasions that I have tossed into the vocabulary garbage can and I'd like to encourage you to do so as well.

"YOU MISSED YOUR CALLING."

Think about it.  It's a pretty depressing statement.  

How wonderful it is to have a calling, or even multiple callings.  But to tell someone they've missed it, is simply wrong.  What a negative view on life to imply that you've missed it. It's gone.  It's not capable of happening.

From this day forward I vow that the message that I will send is this:  

You've found a calling!  That's fantastic! 

Tell me what's next, now that you've realized your calling!

I'm also choosing to embrace the fact that we can have more than one calling. We are complex creatures with many talents and passions.  Develop those talents and passions and you've got yourself lots of opportunity, and thus, a calling.  Over the course of a lifetime, our callings might change, or evolve. Embrace your calling or callings.  Be grateful that you have realized them and make plans to do something with them.  Life is short.  Live it passionately.

And speaking of callings, here's a great article about them:

EMBRACING YOUR CALLING