Be Alive

Call it an eye opener, an 'aha' moment, a revelation.  Whatever you want to call it, it's happened.  I'm so grateful to have had this realization relatively early on in what I hope will be this long life of mine.

Things that come naturally to me:

I'm a rule follower - big time.  You tell me it needs or is supposed to be done, and it is done.
I'm a people pleaser.  Which can sometimes create...
An overachiever.  Which can be a good thing because it makes me...
A hard worker.

Those who know me well also know that I have a difficult time doing anything "just so-so".  I generally commit everything I've got to anything I take on.

Good or bad, these characteristics are me - and I'm proud of me.  But I'm even more proud of me now that I've learned (and continue to learn) what I see as the deeper, more important goal for my life.

Every now and again (ok, maybe a little more often than that) the above characteristics were tempting me into missing moments.  Passing on something I'd love to do because I'd have too much work to do.  Avoiding an evening out so that I didn't stray from my health/fitness goals.  Missing moments.

Until the following became so very clear to me:

This life I've been given is a gift - a gift that has an unknown expiration date.  I'm pretty sure I've got a nice, long life to live and it's incredibly important to me that I have no regrets.  I'm quite certain that when my time is up, I will feel proud of how hard I've worked, how loyal I've been and that I've played by the rules.  I'm also quite certain that what will stand out the most are the moments.  Moments I refuse to miss.

There will always be work - that's a great thing because I love to work and I love what I'm doing.  I am so thrilled that my health and fitness has become a priority for me.  The time I have with family and friends mean more to me than anything else.  There IS space and time for all of it.

I will always be a rule follower.  A trustworthy, hard working people pleaser.  I will also live and experience life to the fullest.  If it makes me happy, I will do it.

I'm alive.  And I will never, EVER take that for granted.

The Week - Thankful for...

After posting this post, I decided I would make a point to document as often as possible all of the things I've GOTTEN to do.  All of the opportunities I've had and the things I'm so thankful for.  In short, focusing on the positive.

So here you have it.  This week:

1.  I learned that I am lucky enough to be welcoming a new nephew to this world sometime this summer.  I'm so in love with him already.

2.  I've slept really well.

3.  I heard birds chirping first thing in the morning.  Signs of SPRING!

4.  I was invited to be a travel companion/support person for a good friend's upcoming transfer.  *SuPeR eXcItEd!* Blog post to follow.

5.  I slipped on ice and fell flat on my arse in the Target parking lot. Once on the way into Target and once on the way out.  Awesome.  Thankful for the fact that I wasn't badly injured.  And also for the fact that I am able to laugh at myself (after dropping an F bomb or two.)

6.  Dyed/decorated 60 (yes, sixty) Easter eggs with my girls.

7.  Bought a new pair of running shoes that made ALL the difference in my workout.  So much of a difference that I managed a brief jog in my very next workout - only for one minute, and not at a very fast pace, but RUNNING!    Did you hear me?!?! Running!  Who woulda thunk I'd ever be able to say that?  Not me.

8.  Aaaannnndddd......drumroll please.....one of those movies I thought I'd never have time for? Watched it.  Les Mis - totally worth the wait.

Happy week everyone.  What are you grateful to have experienced this week?

When Life Gives You Crazy, Change Your Perspective

I had a meltdown.
         Or maybe 2.

Fortunately there was only one witness to my weak moment.  Good ol' Mom. Thank you Mom for soaring with me when I'm on cloud nine and scraping my sorry butt off the ground when I'm not.

Things have been busy around here, and stressful.

So far this year, I have worked approximately 663 hours.  In 12 weeks.  You do the math.

Add in homework, Dr. and dentist appointments, dance class, school events, everyday chores and errands and - well - I was feeling a wee bit overwhelmed. I wanted and needed more time in the day.  I began feeling like there was never going to be enough time for everything I'd like to do.  For the last few weeks I've been feeling like there will never be time to read the book that sits on my nightstand begging me to read it.  The movies that I had hoped to see in the theater are nearing their release on DVD and yet I wonder if I'll have time to watch them even then.  Poor, poor Jeni...just too darn busy.

Then yesterday it hit me.  Yes, my life is busy.  And it's bound to stay that way for quite some time.  I have 2 very clear choices.  Focus on all that I haven't gotten to do, or focus on all that I HAVE gotten to do. Additionally, I tried adding some perspective to the things I have gotten to do.

For example:

Recently, I have been privileged enough to witness a pretty sweet game of Twister between my girls:

Several days later, I also witnessed one of the biggest fights they've ever had.

***Perspective - There are parents around the world who live DAILY with only the memory of their child - parents who would give absolutely ANYTHING to witness a game of Twister, or even the world's greatest argument.

http://www.orangetheoryfitness.com/

I've recently started working out.  Something that I have never liked to do.  Something I've never really done.  Well I'm doing it.  And I'm loving it.  And some days I'm so sore that I can barely walk.

***Perspective - As I'm HATING lifting those weights, and as I'm DREADING that treadmill, there are human beings who are missing an arm, a leg, or the general health needed to be able to do this kind of work out.

And each night as I head to bed, exhausted and sometimes stressed, I keep this in mind:  There are many, many people who want a job, don't have a job, and haven't had a job in some time.  People who have already lost, or fear the loss of their home, their car, their belongings.  As I crawl into my nice warm bed (with the heated mattress pad) and turn on the TV for a bit before falling asleep, how could I POSSIBLY feel sorry for myself and the crazy life that I am so blessed to live?

I choose to be grateful for the basics:

I am healthy.
I have food, a warm home and a reliable car.
My children are healthy, caring, smart, beautiful young ladies.
I am able to pay my bills and have money left over for indulgences.
I am loved.

I choose to focus on the things that ARE my life:

Those 663 hours have helped to make the dream of becoming a surrogate a reality for about 60 women so far this year.  Those 60 women will go on to help create 60 families.  That my friends, is 663 hours of my life well spent.

And let's keep it real.  That book WILL get read in time.  I WILL see those movies that I've wanted to see.  Not today, and maybe not even this week or month.  But I'm living for today.  And today, I sure do have a lot to be thankful for - most of all this crazy life of mine. 

Happy Birthday To Me

Today, I am 38 years old and I've never felt better.  38 is going to be a great year for me, I can just feel it.  As I get older, birthdays become less and less about celebrations which involve gifts and cake and parties.  Don't get me wrong, I enjoy celebrating, but nowadays, I view my birthday as an opportunity to appreciate the former year, anticipate the year to come and remember my goals and dreams for my life.  

This last Christmas, I bought the girls a poster for their room.  They didn't really care much about it at the time, which I knew would be the case, but when I saw this poster in the store, I knew I had to get it for them.  The poster is written in ABC order and encourages being daring.  I am inspired by the words on this poster and hope that one day, the girls will be as well.

Dare to:

Ask for what you want

Believe in your dreams

Count your blessings

Do the right thing

Enjoy the moment

Fail, and dare to succeed

Give more than you receive

Have no regrets

Inspire kindness

Join in more

Kiss and make up

Love all you can

Make a difference

Never settle for less

Overcome adversity

Practice moderation

Question authority

Reinvent yourself

Shoot for the moon

Take personal responsibility

Understand more, judge less

Veto hate and negativity

Walk your talk

eXercise body and mind

Yodel more, yawn less

be Zany

It's a great day for a birthday.  A great day to remember all the things that inspire me to be a better person.  A great day to DARE.  

Life Is Precious

I lived through Columbine.  A horrific experience that occurred just 10 miles from my home.

I lived through the Aurora movie theater shooting just this last summer.  Also, a mere 10 or 15 miles from my home.

For some reason, neither of these tragedies shook me quite like Sandy Hook did on Friday.  I've asked myself what the difference was.  Could it be that it was the age of the children?  It's possible.  I'll admit, as I saw pictures of students, the terrified and sad expressions on their faces, I could easily imagine that those faces were Skyler's or Savannah's.  As I saw parents, frantically trying to locate their children, I couldn't even fathom what that would be like, but I could imagine it enough that it scared me.  As a former teacher, I empathized with the men and women in that building who no doubt feared for their own lives, and perhaps even more so, the lives of the children they are committed to protecting.

Obviously, there's been so much press, so much exposure on TV, radio and Facebook.  It's tough to take.  I read about how sad, angry and scared people are, how some feel laws need to change, policy needs to change, etc., etc.,  I have my own views about things like gun control, mental health support and policies and practices, however, I won't be sharing those views here on this blog...at least not today.  Something has struck me so much more than any law or policy you could put into place.

Life is precious.

I'd be willing to bet that if you asked the families of the children and adults who died in that school on Friday, they would give absolutely anything to be able to hug and hold tight the person that they lost.  They would tell them how much they loved them.  Over and over and over.

It is important to grieve.  Each person grieves in their own way.  I choose to learn from tragedy.  To gain perspective and be reminded of what truly matters.

Don't waste a single moment.  Hold your loved ones tight.  Tell them you love them...over and over and over.  No law, policy or practice will be able to guarantee any individual's time here on Earth.  Life is short.  Life is precious. Live. Every. Moment.

XOXO