This post is a long time in coming. I've thought and thought and thought about how to present this information so that it best represents how surrogates feel, and also allows Intended Parents to get a better idea of where their surrogate is coming from. Allow me to begin this post by saying that although I believe many surrogates will agree with my point of view, I am only speaking for myself...how I feel and view things.
I have not been an Intended Parent. I will never be able to fully communicate all of the emotions and feelings that an Intended Parent has. This post is not designed to imply that I know where an Intended Parent is coming from. However, I am able to put myself in your shoes and imagine what kinds of things you must be feeling, thinking and wondering. There must be many questions. Sensitive questions that you may have and may or may not feel comfortable asking. I strongly believe in honesty and openness. I believe that honesty and openness prevents misconceptions and assumptions. Open communication is key, but sometimes, it's also awkward. My hope is to address a few of the awkward topics found in surrogacy. By being open...by being honest, I hope to shed some light on what a surrogate is truly thinking and feeling about carrying a baby for someone else.
First and foremost, once an Intended Parent chooses surrogacy as the way in which their child will be brought into this world, I imagine one of the scariest thoughts is:
WHAT IF MY SURROGATE WANTS TO KEEP MY BABY?
WHAT IF SHE BECOMES ATTACHED TO MY BABY?
WILL MY SURROGATE TAKE CARE OF HERSELF WHILE SHE'S PREGNANT?
WHAT DOES MY SURROGATE WANT FROM ME THROUGHOUT OUR JOURNEY?
We hope that you like us.
We hope that you trust us.
We hope that you appreciate us.
We melt when we learn that you are thinking of us.
We simply want to know that you care.
WILL MY SURROGATE BE SAD AFTER THE BABY IS BORN?
WHAT DOES MY SURROGATE WANT FROM ME AFTER OUR JOURNEY?
Every Intended Parent/Surrogate relationship is a little different. Some are very personal and some are more business like. The journey is unique for each of us. My hope is that by addressing some of the fears and worries that may exist, there are fewer misconceptions, fewer assumptions about what a surrogate might be thinking and feeling.
In the end, no matter what YOUR journey looks like, the goal remains the same.
Surrogacy = One family helping another to create theirs.