Politicking

I am not a very political person.  Scratch that.  In the past, I was not a very political person.  My political beliefs have changed.  Drastically.

I don't know if you've heard, but there's a bit of an uproar regarding recent statements made by Chick-fil-A CEO Dan Cathy.

Oh...You've heard.

I do not wish to get into a huge debate here, but let me just say this about that. Does Mr. Cathy have a right to say what he did?  Sure he does.  Is Mr. Cathy realizing that there are just a few other folks out there who also have the right to speak their opinion?  I'm thinkin' he's realizing this....a few million sandwiches less at a time.  Freedom of speech does not mean that you do not have to endure the ramifications of your words.

Obviously, word of Mr. Cathy's statement has spread like wildfire on Facebook. My personal news feed shows some Chick-fil-A supporters here and there. And then there are the surrogates.  Smart, beautiful, full of life and passion surrogates.  I love you all.  These women are consistently posting about equality.  You can feel their passion in each and every post.
They're loud.  They're proud.

Many surrogates, myself included, have been given the opportunity to share close relationships with individuals who happen to be gay.  We witness first hand the love that these individuals have for one another.  We get to share in the moment that they learn they're pregnant.  We see the joy on their faces as their pregnancy progresses and we witness first hand the emotion that comes with a baby being born - a family being created.  Because of this, we become very defensive about the fact that these people we love so very much are not given the same rights as everyone else.

The same rights.

Everyone is different.  Not a single one of us is exactly the same as anyone else.  We all have different opinions.  We have different beliefs.  This is acceptable and good!  We ALL have the right to think and believe what we want. But do any of us have the right to determine someone else's basic human rights?   Think about it.  Someone once felt they had the right to say:

YOU CAN'T VOTE.
YOU CAN'T GO TO SCHOOL THERE.
YOU CAN'T DRINK FROM THAT WATER FOUNTAIN.
YOU CAN'T SIT THERE.

And here we are in Two Thousand Twelve and we're telling people:

YOU CAN'T MARRY THE PERSON YOU LOVE.

WHY??????

I would encourage those who do not believe in equality to take a moment - just one moment - to consider your own personal family.  Suppose your child or future grandchild reveals to you that they are gay.  Would you change your mind then?  Suppose someone made a huge impact on your life...imagine if a gay man or woman saved your life or the life of your child.  Could you look that person in the eye and support the fact that they are not given the same rights that you have?  We are talking about PEOPLE here...human beings. It's really quite simple.

To all of my fellow surrogates and equal rights supporters:  Keep up the good work!  I am so proud to know you all!  I'm proud of the fact that we are comfortable speaking out for equal rights.  We're making a difference!  On Facebook...and beyond.

***
By the way, if you and I are not already connected on Facebook and you'd like to be, let's make that happen!  Jeni on Facebook

"It's Not Fair"

Quite possibly my 3 least favorite words right now.  I must hear these 3 words approximately 8,463 times per day during the summer.  (I especially love it when the words are paired with a whiny voice and stomping.)

"It's not fair that Skyler gets to stay up later than me!"
"It's not fair that Savannah's chores are easier than mine!"
"It's not fair that we can't have a pet elephant who entertains us all day long by giving us elephant rides around the backyard while you pop us some popcorn for breakfast, lunch and dinner as we have fun playing with the lions and tigers and the clowns and then you bring us snow cones and we get shot out of a cannon for fun and then you surprise us with cotton candy and life is wonderful and...."

Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

I'm the kind of mom who believes in reasoning with my children and explaining to them why things are the way they are whenever possible.

Upon hearing the first 3,691 "It's not fair's"of the day, I reply calmly, and explain that because they are 2 different human beings, with different needs, different skills and different desires, things cannot and should not always be 100% equal.

"It's not fair" numbers 3,692-8,462 create a little more anxiety in me.  I'm an incredibly patient person when it comes to raising children but I can feel that my fuse is shortening. My voice may be slightly raised as I explain to my dear, dear children:

"I'm pretty sure that if given the option, you two wouldn't want everything to be 100% equal and fair.  That would mean you both go to bed at exactly the same time. You both would need to wake up at the exact same time.  You'd do the same chores.  Eat the same foods.  Etc., etc., etc.

And yet, my explanations are simply not registering in these darling little girls' heads.  "It's not fair" # 8,463 actually creates smoke which escapes from my nose and ears, my eyes turn red and bulge out of my head, I open my mouth and out comes...

"LIFE'S NOT FAIR!  GET OVER IT!"

Although I do not feel proud about losing my cool, I usually don't hear those 3 pesky words for a good hour or two...after the smoke from my ears and nose has dissipated.

Then I realize, I am a hypocrite.

Why?

Because here I sit in my own adult world seeing headlines like this:

Gay rights: a world of inequality 


Chick-fil-A exec takes stance against same-sex marriage


Shocking level of inequality for LGBT families


And all I can think...what I want to scream out is:  "IT'S NOT FAIR!"  
***I may or may not say this in my whiny voice while stomping my feet.

I understand that obviously the issue of equality on a global scale is slightly larger than the issue of equality within the Denhof household.  However, what I am learning is that equality is something we all long for, from a very young age. I am beginning to understand that when my children cry out "It's not fair!", there are feelings, emotions and yes, even validity in their words.  It's natural to want equality and fairness.  It makes sense.  Why can't things just be equal, and fair? It seems so simple.  How frustrating that even as adults, there are millions of people across the globe who are made to feel less than equal.  Who are fighting to have basic rights.  Rights that every human being should have.  ...It's not fair.

I cannot guarantee that smoke will never again pour from my ears and nose when I hear those 3 words coming from my girls' mouths, but I do hope to have a better appreciation and understanding of the fact that they are feeling that something is unfair.  I hope to be able to show them that there are many things that should be and are fair, and that there are also things that should be fair that aren't. I will teach them that for those things which are not fair, we must maturely and respectfully fight for equality.

That being said, if I should have a weak moment and agree to the elephant, lions, and tigers in the backyard scenario, I WILL NOT be in charge of scooping poop, because...well....that just wouldn't be fair.

A Poster Couple A Year Later

By David Gibbons

Freedom to Marry (FTM) sparked its campaign to win the right to same-sex marriage in New York State last year with a series of short videos featuring charming, engaging gay couples–not least among them George Constantinou and Farid Ali Lancheros–that put a human face on the issue and helped insure the movement’s success.

Farid Ali Lancheros and George Constantinou with their son and daughter, Milena and Gustavo, at their restaurant Bogota Latin Bistro. Photo by Jonathan Springer.

“It was very much a fulfillment of our approach of giving the reachable but not-yet-reached personal, local stories that open hearts and change minds, as the president recently described,” said Evan Wolfson, founder and president of FTM and a civil rights lawyer who has argued cases all the way up to the Supreme Court.

The videos highlighted the couples’ commitment and sincerity, nudging viewers to the conclusion that they deserve a chance at marriage just like anybody else. Where are they today? Constantinou and Lancheros are about to get married, if only they can find an hour or two to tear themselves away from their thriving, demanding business and hurry down to the courthouse for a civil ceremony. (The celebration will come later.)

Their daily life constitutes a version of the classic American Dream: A young couple, the hard-working offspring of striving immigrants, sets up a household in Brooklyn, opens a restaurant a few blocks away, puts in the sweat, builds the business and, after a few years, decides to start a family.

“I guess you’d have to say we’re living the gay American dream,” Lancheros said. “It’s astounding. And it’s really testament to the fact that with determination, faith and action, all things are possible.”

The first and most obvious question–how did they have children?– is answered in their baby shower video. (Go to YouTube and search “George and Farid” or "Farid and George's Baby Shower.") The short answer is they worked with a Boston specialty clinic that found a compatible egg donor and a surrogate willing to bear twins. They each fertilized 10 eggs, and the two most viable were implanted–one from Constantinou’s batch and the other from Lancheros’, so each of the men would be the biological father of one of their children.

Lancheros, 47, is the son of a Colombian mother and Palestinian father. Constantinou, 36, is from Long Island; his mother immigrated from Costa Rica, his father from Cyprus. Together, they form a typical New York City melting-pot family.

The couple met at a speed-dating event in 2001 and have been together ever since. With his easygoing, fluid manner and quick smile, it’s no surprise that Constantinou found success young as a bartender and restaurant manager. Lancheros was reluctant to relinquish his 9-to-5 paycheck, but after a trip to Colombia where they sampled the local cuisine, Constantinou convinced him they ought to follow his dream and open their own restaurant.

Thus was born Bogota Latin Bistro in Park Slope, Brooklyn, on July 5, 2005. The place turned a profit almost immediately and has become one of the most popular, successful Latin-themed eateries in the five boroughs.

Their twins, Gustavo and Milena, were born Nov. 6, 2011, and they were able to attend the birth. “They are a delight–healthy, happy, and they both sleep through the night,” said Constantinou.  “They’re 7 and a half months old and are the most amazing babies–all smiles, they only cry when they’re hungry, they want to be picked up or they’re teething. Yesterday we had a first: Milena cried when we left for work.”

“In light of the fact that we’re both men, our pediatrician said she’s never met two calmer parents,” Lancheros said. “The restaurant is incredible training for that. Stuff happens and you manage, you forge ahead. I’ll tell you what: These two babies are a piece of cake compared to running a restaurant.”

Anyone who questions a gay couple’s suitability to marriage and raising kids need only glimpse Constantinou and Lancheros in action to sense not only the open, energetic, exuberant and humorous approach they take to negotiating the challenges of sustaining a relationship and becoming responsible, loving parents, but also the underlying seriousness and honesty of their commitment to the endeavor. But don’t trust this account; go online and check out Constantinou and Lancheros for yourself in their own words–and smiles.

George and Farid

Mark Your Calendars

August 1, 2012

Opening Eyes, Minds, And Hearts Worldwide

Gay? Wear Purple.
Know/love a gay person but aren't? Wear Orange.

Hello friends and family.
I'm openly gay. I don't fit the stereotypes. I don't introduce myself as "Hi, I'm Steve, and I'm a homosexual." But nor do I shy away from the truth when asked. Most people, when they find out I'm gay, react in a way similar to "oh, I didn't know that." and move on. Some say "Wow, I thought all gay guys were girly.." and a cool conversation to the contrary begins. I'm glad to open a mind here and there. But I want a seismic shift... You see... most people walk through their daily lives not thinking about who's gay and who isn't. But when they see a "stereotypical" gay guy, they think about it. So, they don't realize that the stereotypical gay guy is just a personality type within the gay community. And there's nothing wrong with that! I would say the majority of us are just like any other guy. Same theory with women. I just think that people have prejudices against homosexuals because of the stereotypes. If they realized that 'normal' looking guys could also be gay, perhaps it would help open their minds.

My idea is this. On August 1st, wherever you are, if every LGBTQ person wears a purple shirt, and everyone who knows and loves an LGBTQ person wears an orange shirt (the two least-worn colors), maybe it would open people's minds to the fact that homophobia is the minority, it's just not talked about that much. For one day, the country would be blanketed in orange and purple, and those in other colors might stop to think about it.

No one walks around every day waving a pride flag, but we're everywhere. This isn't a protest. This isn't a battle call. This is simply about that "oh!" moment... I've heard so many times, to the affect of "I've never met a gay person... I just think it's unnatural." But then after they realize they're talking to one, they change their tune, apologize, and have that "oh!" moment. Suddenly, they're a different person in this regard.

So, let's spread this like wildfire... Invite everyone you know. Let's try to get this across the entire nation by the end of July, and come August 1, wear your purple or orange shirt, and let's see what happens. 

I'm on board!  I've already checked the closet.  Not a single orange shirt!  But I'll have one by August 1st, that's for sure.  I've already checked out some options online.

Perhaps this one?

Or maybe I'll try something super saucy like this one.

Heck, even if I have to wear this,

I will be in orange.

Join Me?