Your Questions, Answered

I'm a lucky girl.  I get to speak with prospective surrogates every day.  I truly enjoy explaining the process to them, answering their questions and hopefully settling some of their concerns and fears.  There are a few questions that I'm asked on a very regular basis, and I figured if all of these prospective surrogates are asking the same questions, surely others are wondering the same thing, and so why not address those questions here?

Q:  Is it really hard to give up the babies?

A:  Simply put, NO.

I was surprised however, to realize how much I loved the babies so early on in the pregnancy.  It hardly seems possible, but I love them even more today - with all my heart.  Although I knew from the beginning that they were not my babies, I protected them, and would continue to protect them to this day as if they were my own. I believe the reason I fell so in love with them so quickly was because of the relationship I had formed with their Daddies.  I think most of us surrogates know deep down that we will be able to "give up" the babies, long before we ever decide to become a surrogate.  But there's always the unknown - what will it truly feel like to "give up" a baby or babies that I've carried for 9 months?  The truth?  For me, neither my mind, nor my body, nor my heart had any trouble giving birth to babies and watching as a family of 2 became a family of 4.  It was one of the most amazing moments of my life and the memories of that time are all positive.  It truly is not hard to give up the babies.

Q:  Do you keep in touch with the parents?

A:  Anyone who is a regular reader of this blog knows the answer to this one.  Absolutely, we still keep in touch!  I feel like the luckiest girl on the planet to have an ongoing relationship with George and Farid, and it's a pretty incredible feeling to know that I have been given the opportunity to watch the twins grow up via pictures and videos.  Although they are SO big now and it's hard for me to remember that they were ever tiny little babies, I feel extremely blessed to have been "present" as they've grown.

Q:  Would you do it again?
*This question has been asked by more than just prospective surrogates... MANY of you have also inquired about this very thing!  Drumroll....I'm finally answering your question.

A:  Yes, I'd love to have another journey.  I'd love to add to, or complete George and Farid's family if and when they choose to do so.

My life has changed so much in the last year.  I've started my career in this field and it keeps me very busy and incredibly satisfied.  I'm a busy single mom.  So much of a surrogacy journey for me was and is about the incredible relationship that is formed between 2 families.  Farid and George know me, and my family knows them.  We trust each other.  The relationship is already there and solid. To share another journey with them would be amazing in so many ways.

That being said, it's a pretty great feeling to also know that I am 100% okay if another journey does not occur.  I'm so happy with my life - with all that I have done and all that I am doing.

Surrogacy has drastically changed my life.  I experienced it first hand, and now I experience it on a daily basis through others. I'm extremely satisfied with it all.

So I'll say here what I say to many others.  If Farid and George decide that they would like to add to their family via surrogacy, I'd be honored to carry for them again.  If not, I will proudly retire this uterus.  3 healthy pregnancies, 4 healthy babies ~ She done good.

2 years ago today...

...I lay nervously on an exam table hoping to become pregnant.  A few days later we learned that we were successful and our pregnancy journey began.  To celebrate our transfer-versary, I thought that today would be a good day to take a walk down memory lane.

THE JOURNEY

I'd Really Love One Hundred

Currently, Love Makes A Family Has 96 followers.  I know that we have many, many readers who are not listed as followers and that's also fantastic!  I love that you're all reading.  Truly, I'm so honored that you choose to read and follow this blog.  Thank you.

96 is a good number.  Strike that.  96 is a great number!

100 would be SPECTACULAR!

If you enjoy reading this blog and think that someone else might as well, may I ask that you share it with others?  The following is a list of some of the ways I've thought of that you could potentially share this blog:

1. Bumper sticker
2. Facebook 
3. Skywriting
4. Twitter
5. Email
6. Shout it from the rooftops
7. Blog
8. Superbowl commercial
9. Whisper it to everyone at the library
10. Billboard
11. Instagram
12. Public Service Announcement
13. App Banner
14. Text
15. Sing it
16. Pinterest
17. Classifieds
18. Fax
19. Sign Language
20. Radio Ad

Is 20 ideas enough to get you to share?  I fear if I list any additional ways, the only place you'll share this blog is in the post script following my obituary.  

Jeni Denhof

Mother, daughter, aunt, friend, surrogate.  Survived by her beautiful daughters, Skyler and Savannah.  Would have lived a much longer life had she not annoyed her readers with hideous requests for the sharing of her blog.  May she rest in peace.   www.lovemakesafamily2011.blogspot.com

P.S.  Let it be known that I'll be smiling 6 feet under knowing that in the end, YOU SHARED IT!  VICTORY!  :-)

Happy Wednesday!

Care to make today even greater?  

Here is the official pilot for the show we've all been not-so-patiently waiting for.  

Happy viewing!

http://www.nbc.com/the-new-normal/video/Pilot-The-New-Normal/1415027

A Post By Savannah

Because we like to keep things  COMPLETELY EQUAL AND FAIR in our household, Savannah wanted to share her memories of our surrogacy journey.  If you missed Skyler's story, you can find it here.

Again, this post was written, typed and published by Savannah herself.  I have included a translation for those who may not speak 7 year old.

My mom was doing ciragessy for two guys named Gorge and Farid. She woke me up and shode me the pregnisy test and it said yes. I was so excided my mom shode me hoe Gorge and Farid wer. She tolde me what ciragssy was. I was exided for my mom. I wonderd if it was a girl a boy or both I thot it was a girl my dad thote it was a boy my sister thote it was both and my mom said both but it was.....BOTH! We wer exuded we hade a dinner party and thats how we new what the babbys wer I was exuded I was about to go to bed my mom,s water brock I was so exuded we wadded for soumwoun to pick her up. My ant picked her up then she whent to the hospital the next day we wer deriving to the hospital and on the way we saw a Safway we got her flowers and then we whent to the hospital. My  mom was in there for a few days then she came home. So we got to see milly and Guss for a week.

***My mom was doing surrogacy for two guys named George and Farid.  She woke me up and showed me the pregnancy test and it said yes.  I was so excited.  My mom showed me who George and Farid were.  She told me what surrogacy was.  I was excited for my mom.  I wondered if it was a girl, a boy, or both.  I thought it was a girl.  My dad thought it was a boy.  My sister thought it was both and my mom said it was both.  But it was...BOTH!  We were excited.  We had a dinner party and that's how we knew what the babies were.  I was excited.  I was about to go to bed.  My mom's water broke.  I was so excited.  We waited for someone to pick her up.  My aunt picked her up.  Then she went to the hospital.  The next day, we were driving to the hospital and on the way, we saw a Safeway.  We got her flowers and then we went to the hospital.  My mom was in there for a few days, then she came home.  So we got to see Millie and Gus for a week.

A Post By Skyler -

I'm sure you have all read my most recent Guest Post about how my children responded to our surrogacy journey.  What better follow up to that post than a post from the kids themselves? What do my children remember about our journey?  What moments stand out in their minds?  How do they feel about the process?  I hope you enjoy this post - written, edited, typed and published by Skyler, now 11 years old, sharing with you her memories of our surrogacy journey last year.


My Journey

   When my mom explained to me and told me she was doing surrogacy I thought that my mom had a heart as big as the sun. When she was finished talking to me about it I started crying, and I remember her saying, ''Are those tears of joy or tears of sadness?''
I  said, ''I just can't believe that you would do something that huge.''

I just kept thinking babies are a part of someone's family, and family is the most important thing in my life. So I thought that this isn't just a gift, it's a huge piece of someone's heart. I  new that from the start I was on board with my mom 100%. I wanted to help my mom with anything that happened along the way.

   When my mom said that she got matched I raced to the computer. I saw two guys on the screen and I couldn't help to smile. Words couldn't explain the feelings that I truly felt. I wanted to meet them as soon as possible.
   When they finally came, I new they were the sweetest guys on the face of this planet. We went out to dinner and shared our likes and dislikes. I looked around the table and I saw Farid, George, my mom, my dad, my sister, and then I got to myself and I thought I know that now we are all a huge family and about to get bigger.
   When my mom went to New York to do her transfer I sent her many good vibes, and I new she got them. George wanted a boy and Farid wanted a girl.
   When my mom got back everything was normal until the day I saw a plus sign on a pregnancy test. I looked at my mom. I was so happy words couldn't come out. My mom is pregnant, I know many kids say that, but I'm one of the few that get to say my mom is pregnant, but its not my brother or sister.
   A few weeks pass and my mom feels a little scared. Like if something happened or happens to someone else's babies. She felt like she would let them down. So I tried to cheer her up and said,''You are to good of a person, and they are to good of people.'' She started to feel better.

  Then she started getting bigger and BIGGER.  We found out that my mom was going to have twins, and we were ecstatic. George and Farid came for a second time and gave me and my sister bracelets. I wear it all the time.
   A couple months later and we found out one was a boy and was a girl. Both guys got what they desired and they were happy, that meant the world to me.

   My mom let me go to one of her ultra sounds and I sat in the corner and shed a couple tears. That was the most touching moment of my life.
   Then one day I was down stairs and my dad looked over the edge and said''Skyler come here.'' I came upstairs and my dad told me that my mom's water broke. My mom was nervous because the guys weren't in town quite yet.
   She went to the hospital and the guys got there right in the nick of time. I was thinking about my mom the whole time.
   The babies were born and I was so exited to see her. We went to the hospital and sat down next to my mom. Milena came rolling in and I got to hold her. The next day I got to hold Gus.All these thoughts were racing in my head. I was so happy. Thats all I can say. These guys will be great parents.

   My journey was different then my moms but I love that whole family as much as I love mine. Now we are one big happy family.

The Kids Are Alright

Almost every surrogate has one thing in common.  We have all had a child of our own before.  We have been pregnant with and delivered babies that we do get to bring home from the hospital.  Babies that we love, feed, clothe, bathe, cuddle and diaper; and before we know it, they’re not really babies anymore.  They’re children.  Children who at some point in their lives learn that their Mommy is going to be pregnant with a baby that won’t be coming home to live with them.  It begs the question - how do the children of surrogates cope with a surrogacy journey?  

READ MORE....

Read the blog post I wrote that describes the surrogacy experience 

of my own children, Skyler and Savannah.

Time To Get Schooled

Anyone up for a lecture?  

*crickets*

How about a surrogacy lecture?

*crowd cheers and waves arms in the air*

That's what I thought.  The Deputy has posted the slides from her recent lecture on surrogacy.  Take a moment to check it out.

Word on the street is that it features some super amazing surrogates.

And possibly a picture of 2 cute daddies with their newborns.

That's not just me talking - it REALLY IS the word on the street!

Oh for goodness sake, just go check it out, will ya?!

For A Limited Time

"Giving A Baby Away"

"How can you give away the baby/babies?"

Surrogates hear this phrase often.  

And by often, I mean almost daily.

Kristen, over at  Becoming A Stork  addresses this question in a beautifully worded, very thoughtful post.  I invite you to read it and follow her journey.  Thank you Kristen, for allowing me to share.  

"Giving A Baby Away"

A Title

This exceptional woman has been given the title "Super Surrogate". Read this article and then I'll tell you my thoughts.

Super Surrogate Gives Birth To 15th Baby

By Linda Carroll

Over the years Meredith Olafson has given birth to 15 babies – but only four of them are hers. She’s carried two sets of triplets, one set of twins and three singles for people who can’t have their own. She’s what you might call the mother of all gestational surrogates.

Olafson, who lives in Fargo, N.D., was so happy with her own kids, she says she couldn’t bear to watch others be deprived of the experience. So, over the years, when couples have approached her with a request to carry their babies, Olafson just couldn’t find it in her heart to say no.

“When you see those parents’ faces when they see that ultrasound for the first time and they see that heart beat beating – or they get to hear that heartbeat – that’s priceless right there,” Olafson, 47, told TODAY.

And those happy faces constitute most of Olafson’s payment for lending her womb for nine months.  Though some gestational surrogates make as much as $250,000 for one pregnancy, Olafson says she earns just a tiny fraction of that.

What makes it all possible is the ease of Olafson’s pregnancies. She’s never had morning sickness. She hardly gains any extra weight. And she’s usually able to work right up till the day she delivers.

And then there are those enviably short deliveries.

“My longest was my oldest daughter,” Olafson said. “She took me an hour and 15 minutes to deliver. My second daughter took me 30 minutes and the last two took me 20 minutes.”

Olafson contributes only her womb to the pregnancies, not any DNA. The future parents supply the embryo, or embryos.

“Those parents are the actual mother and father and so the mindset for you at that time is you know you’re handing  them their child,” Olafson said. “It has nothing to do with you whatsoever. It does make it a lot easier.”

One of the couples to benefit from Olafson's talent for growing babies is the Wegges.

Dan and Jody wanted a second child, but had been told that it would be dangerous for Jody to try to carry another baby after the harrowing birth of their first. They heard about Olafson by word of mouth in 1998, and once again she signed on to help a family in need.

Olafson agreed to have their embryos implanted in her uterus – and delivered in a big way. The Wegges have triplets that are now 12 years old.

“I love her,” Jody Wegge said.  “I just …  there’s not words to express how I feel about her.”

Olafson was working on her 6th pregnancy for another family when TODAY caught up with her.  She said this baby for a couple from South Dakota would be her last. “I am officially retiring the uterus,” she said.

Her last, as it turns out, is a healthy baby girl born on March 29.

*********

Let's collectively move past the $250K remark.  Please.  *rolling eyes

Does Meredith deserve the title "Super Surrogate"?  You betcha!  11 surrobabies?  TWO sets of triplets?  She's earned her stripes.  Most likely those stripes are being displayed on the skin of her belly.  Wear them with pride, my friend.

I'm jealous.  Yes, I've only had one surrogacy journey and 2 surrobabies (so far), but darn it, I want a title!   I didn't realize a title was part of the deal!  Seeing as how most titles are self-created, I decided I'd do a little research.  I was leaning towards "Absolute Surrogate", so I searched Thesaurus.com for a more exciting word than absolute.

As I typed absolute into the search box, I was briefly distracted by a little trivia featured on the site.  

Did you know that hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia is a REAL word?
Part of speech:  noun
Definition:  fear of long words

Hmph.  Interesting.

ABSOLUTE~
synonyms:  categorical, excellent, perfect, flawless, ideal, impeccable

How is one to choose?  So many terrific options.  I scratched my head, thought long and hard.  There really is only one good option.
It's only an option because I do not suffer from hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia.  Ladies and Gents, my new title is:

Jeni Denhof

Categoricalexcellentperfectflawlessidealimpeccable Surrogate

I'm happy.