Excitement - I can't even begin to express to you how excited I feel about this time. I am VERY much looking forward to labor (I know...weird), and delivery, an absolutely incredible, life changing moment for George and Farid that I feel so honored to be a part of.
Fear - Let me clarify before I begin to discuss my fears. Talk to me during the hours of 9 AM and 9 PM, and I would tell you I have NO fears. But I am a night worrier. It's always at night that the fears start to creep up on me. My fears are mostly of the unknown. Some of the question marks are things like this:
- How will it feel to suddenly not be pregnant? Will I feel relief, or will it feel strange?
- What will the transition be like from "Jeni the surrogate, caring for babies" to "Just Jeni"?
- How difficult is it going to be to say goodbye, temporarily, to George and Farid and the babies?
Anticipation - When will the guys arrive? When will we go into labor? What will our labor be like?
Wonder - I can't believe we finally get to meet these babies...VERY soon! We will KNOW what they look like! We will begin to get a feel for their personalities! We will begin to develop a real relationship with these little ones!
Anxiety - As we get closer and closer to our due date, I become more and more anxious about Farid and George being here in time for delivery. This journey has gone so perfectly, I really want it to end perfectly with them here to experience the birth of their children!
Joy - When I think about George and Farid finally having Gustavo and Milena in their arms, I can't keep myself from smiling. More than smiling. It is an overwhelming feeling of joy. Like Christmas morning as a kid times a million.
Love - The love that I feel for this new family, George, Farid, Milena and Gustavo, is something that I wasn't really expecting. I never expected the feelings to run nearly as deep as they do. My belly may only have room for 2, but my heart has grown by 4.
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I choose to focus on the excitement, pride, wonder, joy and love...and not let the fear, anticipation and anxiety get the best of me. I look forward to what the near future holds for us knowing that it will all unfold perfectly. I look forward to the relationship that I will develop with Gustavo and Milena...a relationship that will no doubt be stronger once they are outside the womb. I look forward to continuing to build on the already amazing relationship that I have with George and Farid.
I am exactly where I need to be in my journey, right now.
...And I look forward to seeing where my journey leads me in the future. It's bound to be incredible, wherever it goes.