Monday, October 24, 2011

Feelings and Emotions

A surrogacy journey comes chock-full of feelings and emotions.  And for me, they are constantly evolving.   Allow me to share with you where I am at right now:

I feel:

Excitement - I can't even begin to express to you how excited I feel about this time.  I am VERY much looking forward to labor (I know...weird), and delivery, an absolutely incredible, life changing moment for George and Farid that I feel so honored to be a part of.

Fear - Let me clarify before I begin to discuss my fears.  Talk to me during the hours of 9 AM and 9 PM, and I would tell you I have NO fears.  But I am a night worrier.  It's always at night that the fears start to creep up on me.  My fears are mostly of the unknown.  Some of the question marks are things like this:
  • How will it feel to suddenly not be pregnant? Will I feel relief, or will it feel strange?
  • What will the transition be like from "Jeni the surrogate, caring for babies" to "Just Jeni"?
  • How difficult is it going to be to say goodbye, temporarily, to George and Farid and the babies?
Pride - I did it!!  I feel a great sense of pride at being able to give this gift to Farid and George and that is a feeling I will carry with me for the rest of my life.

Anticipation - When will the guys arrive? When will we go into labor? What will our labor be like?

Wonder - I can't believe we finally get to meet these babies...VERY soon!  We will KNOW what they look like!  We will begin to get a feel for their personalities! We will begin to develop a real relationship with these little ones!   

Anxiety - As we get closer and closer to our due date, I become more and more anxious about Farid and George being here in time for delivery. This journey has gone so perfectly, I really want it to end perfectly with them here to experience the birth of their children! 

Joy - When I think about George and Farid finally having Gustavo and Milena in their arms, I can't keep myself from smiling.  More than smiling.  It is an overwhelming feeling of joy.  Like Christmas morning as a kid times a million.

Love - The love that I feel for this new family, George, Farid, Milena and Gustavo, is something that I wasn't really expecting.  I never expected the feelings to run nearly as deep as they do.  My belly may only have room for 2, but my heart has grown by 4.

~  ~  ~  ~  ~

I choose to focus on the excitement, pride, wonder, joy and love...and not let the fear, anticipation and anxiety get the best of me.  I look forward to what the near future holds for us knowing that it will all unfold perfectly.  I look forward to the relationship that I will develop with Gustavo and Milena...a relationship that will no doubt be stronger once they are outside the womb. I look forward to continuing to build on the already amazing relationship that I have with George and Farid. 

I am exactly where I need to be in my journey, right now. 

...And I look forward to seeing where my journey leads me in the future.  It's bound to be incredible, wherever it goes.


  1. Great post, Jeni! So pure. Thank you for sharing. Your positive attitude is infectious. Thank you. xo

  2. I really do love your honesty and openness to what is happening. Being an IF it's sometimes difficult to figure out what is going on in our surrogate's head. Yes, it's a business partnership, but look at it much deeper and it is a bond that isn't replicated often. You've got a super attitude, from my perspective...focus on the positive and be the best surrogate you can be. The rewards will come once the twins are born and everything that follows will be the surprise...the relationship...the bond...that will last forever!

    45 days!

  3. Farid, George, Milena and Gustavo are lucky to have such a wonderful woman be part of their family! I can only imagine the next few weeks will be some of the most emotional of your life. What you have done is truly amazing!

  4. This is a great post, Jeni! I couldn't have said it better. It's exactly how I felt as the time neared to have Baby L.

    It is a little strange to go from "the surrogate" back to "normal", but those feelings will soon fade and the continued relationship with the babies and IPs will become even stronger.
    I think I'm just as anxious to see G&M as you are, lol.

  5. I love this! LOVE LOVE LOOOVE this! I have to tell you though that you will never be "Just Jeni" again. You will forever be one of a very FEW people called to create a family for people who need the help. You will always be an important part of another family that if NOT for YOU wouldn't experience this amazing blessing. And to Tony and I (and many others I would presume) you will be a part of a very special sisterhood that carries our utmost love, respect, and AWE.

  6. Jeni, your posts are always so inspiring.I wish I could think of stuff to say, but when I post, Im usually at a loss and just ramble on about nothing in particular lol You always have such great posts and I always enjoying reading them! George and Farid are so lucky to have you as their surrogate!!!

  7. Love this post!!!

    You always have something awesome to say :)

    The bomb diggity.

  8. Thanks for always writing so honestly. A lot of people, me included, read posts like this and get so much out of them. It's pretty noble that you share so freely. And for the record, if you weren't a little fearful I'd be worried that Jeni's a little cray-craycrazy upstairs :)
    So excited to follow along over the next several weeks.


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